What if it Happened Differently
by BillyMartinGoodCharlottefan
Summary: We all know that Ponyboy's parents were killed in a car wreck, and Jonny and Dally died soon after, but what if it happened differently. There is no Johnny in this story.
1. Introduction

What if It Happened Differently

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own "The Outsiders" by S.E. Hinton.

Author's note: I'm sorry that you haven't heard from this story in a while. It got deleted because I accidentally put in some song lyrics without realizing it. I fixed the layout, and added some new chapters. Hopefully I've done everything right this time, and sorry for the inconvenience.

-BillyMartinGoodCharlottefan

Introduction:

Dr. Murphy's sessions with Ponyboy Curtis. Tape A6509X. Note pauses.

Dr. Murphy: Hello, Ponyboy.

Ponyboy Curtis: Hello.

DM: How are you today?

PC: Depressed, nothing new.

DM: I'm sorry to hear that.

PC: Me too. Is it official that I'm a lost cause yet, doc? Am I ever getting out of this place?

DM: There are no lost causes here, Ponyboy. You're here to get better.

PC: I think being here means you _can't _get better.

DM: That's nonsense, Ponyboy! We've had many people leave the facility, and they're successful people.

PC: Too bad I'll never be one of them.

DM: I'm sorry you feel that way.

Here there is a long pause

DM: Ponyboy? Are you still with us?

PC: Yeah, I'm just thinking.

DM: About what?

PC: Better days, Aurora, my parents, you know; just stuff.

DM: Would you like to talk about it?

PC: Sure, what could it hurt?


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter one

Aurora and I had been best friends since preschool. We met on the playground. Even though we were only little kids, you could already tell who was going to be a Greaser and who was going to be a Soc. Some to-be Socs were pushing me around and I fell and scraped up my knee. I was sitting on the pavement crying when she walked over. We started talking about how mean the kids were, and I guess we just hit it off. People thought it was cute that we were friends, and we lived right down the street from each other. Once we got to second grade, the teachers thought that we were going to grow apart, but we never did. Until last month, we were best friends, but I don't know where she is now.

Aurora's whole existence was kind of a mistake. Her mom had been an actress on Broadway. Apparently she had been really good because she had had dance and voice lessons her whole life and a scholarship to Julliard. The first show Aurora's mom had auditioned for was Les Miserables, and she got the part that she wanted. I don't remember what the part was; Aurora might have never told me. Anyway, for the next five years, until she was 27, Aurora's mom was a Broadway actress. One day, though, everything went downhill. Aurora's mom was dancing, and she broke her ankle. Since she had kept dancing while her ankle was healing, the bone didn't set right, and she couldn't do certain dance steps correctly. Because of that, none of the shows wanted her. She had been hanging out at a bar one night when a random guy started buying her drinks. The next thing Aurora's mom knew she was going to have a kid. Since Aurora's grandparents (her mom's parents) are very proper, they were ashamed of their daughter, and refused to take care of the baby or Aurora's mom.

So Aurora's mom moved to Tulsa and got a job in a classy restaurant. It pays OK, they're not starving or anything, but they'd have a lot more money if Aurora's mom didn't make Aurora take dance and voice lessons. She wants Aurora to have the life she never had or something. Aurora didn't seem to mind, in fact her hazel eyes would light up every time she talked about dancing or singing. She and her mom didn't get along though; if Aurora got a bad score at a dance competition, her mom would beat her up. She would also tell Aurora stuff like: "I was a better dancer than you are now," and one time while I was over she had said "I hate you! Get out of my house!"

Other than her mom, Aurora had a pretty good life for a Greaser. She even went to a private art school on scholarship. The other Greaser girls would call her a Soc, but I liked Aurora the way she was. She didn't wear the tacky red lipstick, or too much eye shadow, or too short skirts that I found appalling. Another memorable thing about Aurora was that she always did her solo dances to some punk rock group. That had gotten her famous on the dance circuit in the tri-state area. She had had staring roles in plays since she was eight, and I was always proud to call her my best friend.

Continued sessions with Doctor Murphy

DM- So Ponyboy, would you call Aurora an abused child?

PC- Yeah

Here there is a long pause

PC- Yeah, I guess so.

DM- You guess that she was an abused child.

PC- Yes.

DM- Did she ever tell you that her mom was often prone to spells of violence? That one of those spells was the cause of death for your parents?

PC- Don't say that!

DM- Say what, Ponyboy?

PC- Don't say that my parents are dead. I'm trying to think that they're still alive.

DM- You need to come to terms with reality, Ponyboy. You need to accept that your parents are dead, and Aurora ran away, and Aurora's mother killed your parents.

PC- Don't say that! Don't say that!

Here Ponyboy went into hysterics, and was given a tranquilizer and sent back to his room

End tape.

Excerpt from Ponyboy's Memory

Aurora and I were walking home from school. It was the last day of sixth grade for her, and seventh for me. I had skipped third grade, so I was a grade ahead of her.

"Ponyboy, I have something to tell you," Aurora said.

"Yeah," I said.

"I'm not going to be going to school with you next year," she said.

"What?" I asked.

"Mom's making me go to a private school. I have a scholarship and everything," she said.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I asked.

"I didn't know if I'd made it yet, and I didn't want to upset you," Aurora said.

"Well, you did upset me," I replied. Aurora had been one of my only friends at school then.

"Ponyboy, I'm sorry," she said.

"I'm sure you are," I replied. Then I started for home, leaving Aurora behind me.

I didn't talk to Aurora for two weeks. Those were the loneliest two weeks of my life. I just sat around the house, and went to the park a few times, but I don't remember much of what I did then. I remember that I missed Aurora, but I wasn't about to make up with her.

One day Aurora showed up at our house. I was in the room Soda and I shared, laying on the bed reading. I could hear mom open the door and say: "Hi, Aurora! We haven't seen you in a while." Mom really liked Aurora. She was happy that I was friends with her instead of some law-breaking hood.

"Hi Mrs. Curtis," Aurora said, "Is Ponyboy here?"

"Yes, he is, he's in his room," Mom replied.

"Thanks," Aurora said. I heard footsteps coming toward my room, and the door opened. Aurora was standing in the doorway.

"Hi, Ponyboy," she said.

"Hey," I said.

"Can I come in?" Aurora asked.

"Sure," I replied.

Aurora sat down on the bed next to me. "Look," she said, "I'm sorry, if I'd known…"

"I'm the one that should be sorry," I said.

"This never happened, OK," Aurora said. "We were never mad at each other; this whole fight didn't happen."

"Alright," I said.

We let it go at that, and we didn't fight for several more years.

Now

When I woke up, I was in my room at the Tulsa asylum. How did I get here again? I wasn't crazy, I knew I wasn't crazy. Crazy people hear voices, crazy people try to kill other people, and crazy people try to kill themselves.

I had tried to kill myself.

I was crazy.

My parents were dead, Aurora was gone, and I felt useless. I had tried to kill myself a week after my parents were buried. I looked down at my arms, the scratches from where I'd cut myself were still there. Am I insane? The answer came to me in just one simple word: Yes.

I was crazy because I hadn't talked to Darry, or Soda. I was crazy because I'd let Aurora run away. I was crazy because I'd left Two-Bit, Dally, Steve, Darry, and Soda. Everything is crazy. The world is crazy, and I'm the ruler of the world.

Now I'm laying here in this room that's all white. There are no sharp edges on any of the furniture to make sure no one cuts themselves. We aren't allowed to have forks or knives for the same reason, or pencils, for that matter. Whenever Darry and Soda came, I just couldn't bring myself to talk to them. They looked so sad; Darry looked like an old man, and according to Soda, he worked like one.

"He's dying Pony," he had said. "Maybe you can't see it, but this is killing him. Why can't you just get better?"

Why can't I just get better?


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Exert from Ponyboy's Memory

It was just a year ago, Aurora and I were both thirteen. I was watching Aurora and two other people practice their dance for an upcoming competition. The two other people were twin boys named Fritz and Fyedka; their parents were from Russia. Their mother had been an excellent dancer; their father, a gymnast. The twins had been taking both dance and gymnastics since they were three and, remarkably, they were both straight.

The dance they were doing was to a song I didn't recognize, but I could tell it was punk. Fritz and Fyedka were, like Aurora, big fans of punk rock.

"More energy, Aurora, more energy!" The dance teacher yelled.

"Fyedka! You're off!"

"Fritz, too much energy!"

Could this woman not stop nit-picking? She needed a new hobby.

Although I had to agree with her, Aurora hadn't been as energetic as usual. She'd seemed tired, and she looked skinnier. I was worried about her. I decided I'd talk to her after her dance class.

"Fyedka! More energy!"

Did this woman not know how to shut up?

After her class, Aurora was talking to Fritz and Fyedka. I only caught little pieces of their conversation.

"Really, Aurora, you're not," Fyedka said.

"My mom's making me, she thinks I need to," Aurora said.

"So, just tell her to go fuck herself," Fritz said.

"Yeah, man," Fyedka said.

"If you want to live, you won't mess with my mom," Aurora said.

"Whatever," Fritz said.

"Fritz!" Fyedka said, "We're her friends, we have to help her."

"Hey, ya'll," I said as I walked up to Fritz, Fyedka, and Aurora.

"Hey, Pony," Fyedka said. Fyedka and I were pretty close friends, but Fritz hated me.

"Rory, can I talk to you?" I asked Aurora.

"Sure," Aurora said.

"Tomorrow, right Aurora?" Fyedka said. "We need to work on our dance."

"I'll be here at three," Aurora said.

Aurora and I walked out of the dance studio and went to the park. Once we were sitting on our usual bench, I asked Aurora:

"Are you OK, Aurora?"

"Yeah," she replied. "Never better."

I knew she was lying.

"You can tell me, Aurora," I said.

"I'm fine," Aurora insisted.

I thought of something to say; something that might maker her talk. "I heard you talking with Fritz and Fyedka," I said. "I know."

"You do?" Aurora said. "Damn, Pony, don't call the cops on my mom. I know that it's bad that she's starving me, but…"

I cut her off there, "She's _starving _you?"

"Yeah," she replied. "But plenty of dancers are anorexic. I think I'll be OK."

"Come on," I said; grabbing her arm and pulling her off the bench.

"Where?" Aurora asked.

"Just come," I said.

Aurora followed.

Once we got to my house, I gave Aurora some toast and got her to tell mom what her mother was doing to her. Mom was really upset.

"Honey, she doesn't deserve a kid like you." Mom said. "We'd take you if we could, but we don't have the money. But if there is anything you need, we're right here."

"Thanks," Aurora said.

I remember Aurora was eating at our place for a long time.

Dr. Murphy's sessions with Ponyboy Curtis. Tape continued, note pauses.

Dr. Murphy: Hello, Ponyboy. Are you feeling better today?

Ponyboy Curtis: Yes, I am.

DM: What would you like to talk about today?

PC: Um…I had a really weird dream last night.

DM: You did?

PC: Yes, it was about Aurora.

DM: Would you like to tell me about it?

PC: Sure.

PC: It started off and Aurora and I were sitting in the park. Aurora was telling me about the musical she was in. She said that she hated the musical, and her part in it, but she had to get famous or else her mom would kill her. So, then it was opening night, and the play was a flop. I went to Aurora's the next day to talk to her because I knew she'd be really upset about the play. When I got to her house, her mom was sitting on the couch with a bloody knife, and Aurora was on the floor, dead. Her mom started chasing me, and she was about to get me, but I woke up.

DM: The dream frightened you, Ponyboy?

PC: Yeah, it did. That's why I woke up screaming.

DM: Yes, the nurses told me about that.

PC: It really spooked me.

DM: It should have. What do you think the dream meant, Ponyboy?

PC: I think it meant Aurora's mom wanted Aurora to have the life she never had. That was why she didn't kill Aurora. Her mom hated me, so I think that was why she wanted to kill me in the dream.

PC: I'm really afraid Aurora is dead.

Here there is a long pause.

DM: Are you all right, Ponyboy?

PC: No.

Here Ponyboy starts crying.

DM: Let's change the subject.

PC: All Right.

DM: What would you like to talk about?

PC: I don't care.

Here there is a long pause

PC: Got any pets, doc?

DM: Why, yes. My wife and I have a rabbit.

PC: Aurora liked rabbits.

DM: Did she?

PC: Yeah. She liked them to the point of obsession. The only thing she ever wanted was a rabbit. She would always drag me into the pet store, and we'd look at the rabbits. She loved those things.

DM: Did you like the rabbits, Ponyboy?

PC: Their eyes scared me, and they're too quiet. But I thought it was cute that Aurora liked them so much.

PC: I like to think that she has a rabbit now, wherever she is.

DM: You really loved her, didn't you, Ponyboy?

PC: She was like my sister.

End tape

Now

I'm hopelessly bored.

I have some books that I could read, but I'm not in the mood for reading. I'm depressed, and bored. I can't stop thinking about Darry, and how I'm killing him. They're visiting tomorrow. I'm going to talk to him, and I won't wimp out.

I'm so bored.

I'll tell Darry that I'm sorry I'm killing him. None of this is his fault, and I'm going to get better. Then I'll ask him how everyone is. I won't wimp out. I can't wimp out; I need to talk to Darry. I'll talk to Soda also. It could be like nothing ever happened. Like their baby brother (that being me) wasn't insane. Maybe I'd get to go home soon.

I need something to do before I die of boredom.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Now

Visiting day. Darry and Soda are walking into the building. Darry looks upset, I know I'm killing him, but hopefully I won't be for much longer. Darry and Soda signed in at the desk, and then walked over to the couch I was sitting on.

"Hey, Pony," Darry said.

"Hi," I said quietly.

"What?" Soda asked. I hadn't talked to them in over a month. They'd probably forgotten that I wasn't mute.

"I said 'hi'," I repeated.

I saw tears in Darry's eyes.

"Pony…" Was all Soda could say.

"I'm getting better," I said.

Darry and Soda just sat there and hugged me while they cried. I felt like I was an actor in a crappy movie, but I kind of liked it. It was nice; it let me know that Darry and Soda didn't hate me.

"How's everyone else?" I asked.

"Dally got hauled in," Soda said.

"Again? What for this time?" I asked. I was just starting to realize I missed everyone.

"I don't know. The cops hate Dally, they'll arrest him for breathing too loud," Soda replied.

I smiled, that was true. The cops hated Dally; they would arrest him for almost anything.

"Darry," I said.

"Yeah," Darry replied.

"I'm sorry," I said. "For everything, mom and dad's dying, my trying to kill myself, for worrying you."

"It's not your fault," Darry said. "Just get better, OK."

"Alright," I said.

Darry, Soda and I talked about random things for the rest of visiting day. We tried to stay off the subject of mom and dad's death, and Aurora's running away, but we did wind up talking about it a few times. Dr. Murphy introduced himself to Darry and Soda. He said that I'd made a lot of progress, and I'd probably be able to leave in a month or two. I wondered if Dr. Murphy was just saying that so they wouldn't worry. I'd have to ask him in our next session.

When visiting hours were over, and Darry and Soda had left, I went to my room and lied on my bed. I was tired. I don't think I'd talked that much in a long time. It was exhausting. I couldn't believe that I'd used to talk that much, or more, on a daily basis, and that I'd have to do that again soon. I was half excited, and half scared that I was going to be leaving the asylum in a month or two. I started thinking about life in the real world, and I fell asleep.

Dr. Murphy's Sessions with Ponyboy Curtis. Tape B78920.

Dr. Murphy: We missed you at dinner last night, Ponyboy.

Ponyboy Curtis: I was tired; fell asleep.

DM: You talked with your brothers yesterday. I'm proud of you. That kind of behavior will get you out of here very soon.

PC: That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Did you really mean that? That I'd be getting out of here in a couple of months, I mean.

DM: I did.

Here there is a long pause

DM: Ponyboy, let me ask you something.

PC: Sure.

DM: If we could find Aurora, how would that make you feel?

PC: I think I'd be the happiest person alive, doc.

PC: What makes you think you can find her.

DM: We have our reasons.

PC: Her mom is dead.

DM: Is she?

PC: Yeah. She killed herself after she killed my parents.

DM: That must have been a horrible thing to witness. That much death in one day.

PC: It was. But just think of how the soldiers feel.

DM: The soldiers?

PC: Yeah, those people in the army. They have to watch people die almost every day.

DM: That's true.

Here there is a long pause

DM: Ponyboy?

PC: Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about stuff.

DM: Like what stuff?

PC: Like, about how when you're little, you wonder about weird stuff. Like, how they make green Jell-o green. I always wondered that.

DM: laughing Did you?

PC: Hey, it's not that funny.

DM: I always wondered why the sky was blue. People think strange things.

PC: Yeah, they do.

DM: Well, Ponyboy, our time is up. I'll see you in tomorrow.

PC: Ok.

End tape

Exert from Ponyboy's memory

Aurora and I were both eleven. We were having a rumble that night, and everyone had said that I was old enough to fight. I was excited, but Aurora was worried about me.

"Just don't kill yourself," she said. "I don't want a bloody pulp for a best friend."

"I won't die," I replied.

But once we got there, and I got a good look at the other gang, I thought I just might get killed. Sure, it was just skins, but all the other guys were a lot bigger than I was. Two-Bit noticed how nervous I was, and said, "Just stick close to me kid; I won't let 'em clobber you…to bad."

I managed a smile, but it was quickly wiped off my face by a punch from one of the members of the gang we were fighting.

The rumble had started.

Everyone was throwing punches left and right. I tried to stay as close to Two-Bit as possible, but I eventually lost him in all the chaos. I found Soda and Steve though, so I stood next to them to fight. I saw Darry slugging the daylights out of someone, and I saw Two-Bit. He and another member of our gang, Dally, were standing back-to-back and punching everyone that came close to them. Dally was from New York; he could fight really well. I heard Soda yell, "Pony! Look out!"

But it was too late; I'd been hit hard on the side of the head. When I woke up, the rumble was over.

Everyone kept telling me how well I'd fought, but I could tell that they were trying not to laugh. When we got back to the house, Aurora was there.

"What happened?" Aurora asked as she walked over to me.

"Didn't do to hot," I replied.

"You're too short to fight," Aurora replied.

It was true; I'm pretty short for someone my age. Normally, that wouldn't have bothered me, but I wasn't feeling very good, and I wasn't in the mood to be made fun of.

"Ha, ha," I replied sarcastically.

"Sorry," she said.

After a short silence, Aurora said, "You might want to get that bump on your head checked out."

I was confused for a second, but then I remembered that I had been hit really hard in the head. Aurora and I walked into the house. All the older guys' girlfriends were there; putting band-aids on their cuts and talking about how brave they were. Then Soda's girlfriend, Sandy, looked up and said, "Soda, is that your little brother? He's so cute! Aww and he has a girlfriend that is just so cute!"

Aurora and I just looked at each other in disgust, which made everyone in the room laugh. We walked into the kitchen where mom was.

"Mom," I said timidly. I didn't know if she was going to feel sorry for me, or kill me.

"Yes," she said as she turned around. Then she got this horrified look on her face.

"Ponyboy! What happened? Did you get jumped? My poor baby!" Mom said. She didn't know I'd been in the rumble.

"Yeah," I replied. "I got jumped." That was partially true. I _had_ been jumped.

Mom got some ice for my head and started washing my cuts, "I know this is a bad part of town," she said, "but it's just not fair that my baby can't walk down the street without getting beat up. I wish there was something I could do to get us out of here."

"When I get famous, I'll get everyone out of here," Aurora said.

"It'll be too late then," I said.

"There are plenty of famous kids," Aurora said, "I'm going to be one of them."

"Sure you will," I said. But I didn't mean it.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Now

There's a new guy here.

His name is Leonardo, he's Italian or something; he has a weird accent. I have to share a room with him. I've been in a room by myself since I got here, and I liked it. I didn't want to share a room, but I guess I should be nice to him. His name is worse than mine.

"Hey Ponyboy," Leonardo said. He could at least go by Leon.

"Yeah," I replied.

"We should start a people with weird names club."

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Do you say anything else?" Leonardo laughed.

"No," I replied.

"But it'd be kind of cool, we could have people with cool names, like: Ponyboy, Leonardo, Mona Lisa, Romeo, Aurora…"

"What did you say?" I demanded.

"We should start a club…" Leonardo said.

"Not that, the last name," I said.

"Aurora?" Leonardo asked.

I was off the bed in a flash. I had Leonardo by the neck; I was pushing him against the wall.

"Don't you _ever _say that name!" I yelled.

Leonardo stared at me blankly; that only made me madder.

"Do you hear me? Don't you _ever _say that name again!" I yelled.

Leonardo started screaming, and several employees ran in. They dragged me away, and put me in the cool down room.

All that I could think about was what Leonardo had said. _Aurora_. The name echoed in my head. I didn't want to think about Aurora. It hurt too much.

Dr. Murphy's Sessions With Ponyboy Curtis. Tape C0785.

Dr. Murphy: Well, Ponyboy, I hear you got into a fight with Leonardo.

Ponyboy Curtis: Yeah.

DM: He says that it was sudden. You just attacked him.

PC: That's right.

DM: Any reason why?

PC: He said her name.

DM: Whose?

PC: Aurora.

PC: I didn't mean to hurt him; it just hurts to talk about her. To even think about her. She was more than my best friend.

Here, Ponyboy starts crying

DM: It's OK, Ponyboy, Leonardo is fine.

PC: I don't care about him! I care about Aurora, I'm afraid she's dead.

DM: Talking about her will help.

PC: It won't bring her back. It won't make my parents be alive. Talking isn't anything! Talking is bullshit! Fuck talking!

DM: You're very angry right now, Ponyboy.

PC: Yes, I'm angry! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out!

DM: Ponyboy, calm down.

PC: If you were me would you calm down? Your parents are gone, your best friend could be dead, and you only get to see your brothers for three hours on Sunday. If you were in my shoes, doc, you would not calm down!

DM: Calm down.

PC: crying I didn't mean to hurt him.

DM: Leonardo will be fine.

Here there is a long pause

PC: I wanted to get out of here so I could look for Aurora. But I guess I won't be leaving for a while, huh?

DM: Yes, you've shown us that you're not as mentally stable as we thought you were.

PC: What'll make me better?

DM: Talking is a good start.

PC: Fuck talking.

DM: You're very angry now, Ponyboy. I've never seen you like this.

PC: So?

DM: We'll continue your session tomorrow. Hopefully you'll have your temper under control by then.

End Tape.

Exert From Ponyboy's Memory

I was nine. Darry had gotten really sick, he was in the hospital. He had to get his tonsils out. Soda, as usual was taking everything lightly; making jokes, that kind of stuff. I, on the other hand, was worried about Darry. I thought he was going to die, but I didn't tell mom or dad. I figured they had enough to worry about, and knowing their eldest son was going to die would only make things worse.

During Darry's surgery, Soda, my parents and I all stayed in the hospital's waiting room. Mom was crying, and dad was trying to comfort her. Soda turned to me and said.

"I'm bored, how about you?"

"Yeah," I replied. While I was worried about Darry, I was kind of bored.

"Come on," Soda said as he got out of his chair.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Exploring," Soda replied simply.

"Mom and dad will see," I said. "They'll be mad!"

"They're not paying attention," Soda said. "They're too worried about Darry. If you're not coming, I'll go without you."

I decided to go with Soda. It was better than sitting around doing nothing. We left the waiting room and looked at mom and dad. They hadn't even noticed we had left!

"Come on!" Soda said as he grabbed me by my jacket sleeve and pulled me down the hall.

We got some weird looks from doctors and nurses, but they all left us alone except for one nurse. She was old and had gray hair. I remember her breath smelled like she hadn't brushed her teeth in over a year. She walked over to Soda and me and said.

"Where do you boys think you're going?"

"Uh…" Soda said.

"We're looking for the bathroom." I finished.

"Oh," the nurse said, "follow me."

The nurse led us through some hallways. They all looked the same; they were white with doors every few feet. Finally, we were standing in front of a door with a sign on it. It said 'boys'.

"There, now please stay out of trouble," the nurse said.

Soda and I walked into the bathroom, waited for a second to make sure the nurse was gone, and then we burst out laughing.

"We're looking for the bathroom! Great save Pony!" Soda said.

"Thanks. Where do we go from here?" I asked.

"I dunno," Soda said. "We'll just need to avoid that nurse."

"She scares me," I said.

"She smelled like fish," Soda remarked.

After a few minutes, Soda and I left the bathroom and started walking around again. We went to all the floors, and looked around. We got tired after a while, so we started looking for the waiting room. We checked three floors, and still couldn't find it; I was scared.

"Soda, what if we never find it?" I asked. "We could die in here."

"Shut up, Pony," Soda replied.

On the fourth floor we checked we found a door. There was a sign on the door that said 'morgue'

"Soda, what's a morgue?" I asked.

"I dunno," Soda replied. "Let's find out."

We opened the door and walked inside. There were a bunch of things that looked like filing cabinets.

"I bet this is where they keep the records of who's born and stuff," Soda said.

"Let's see if we're here," I said.

"Good idea," Soda replied.

I opened one of the filing cabinets and saw, not a bunch of papers, but someone's feet. I screamed. Soda walked over to where I was. He saw the feet too, and he started screaming.

A bunch of doctors came in and took us out of the morgue. They didn't seem too mad, but they looked really young. I think they were interns, and they thought that two kids leaving their parents and going into the morgue was pretty funny.

When we got back to the waiting room, mom and dad had finally noticed that we were gone.

"Where have you been?" Mom said as she hugged Soda and me.

"Uh…" I said.

"We went to the bathroom," Soda finished.

We were laughing about that for months.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Now

Leonardo is lying on his bed, reading a comic book. He likes comic books for some weird reason; he's reading a superman comic.

"We call my brother Superman," I said.

Leonardo ignored me.

"I'm sorry, Ok. I didn't mean to beat you up." I said, "My best friend's name was Aurora. Her mom killed my parents, and then she ran away. I don't know where she is now, but I'm worried about her."

Leonardo looked up. "'That why you're here?"

"Yeah," I replied.

"That's rough," he said. "Losing your parents and your best friend at the same time."

"Yeah," I replied.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"It's OK," Leonardo replied.

We sat there in silence for a while. Then Leonardo said, "I'm here for the same reason, just my grandma died. She was the only person I ever had."

"I'm sorry" I said.

"She could have joined our weird names club," Leonardo said; brightening a bit. "Her name was Olive."

I smiled, "'Worse than Ponyboy."

"Worse than almost anything," Leonardo said.

"So you're really not mad at me?" I asked.

"Nope," Leonardo replied.

"Why?" I asked.

"I got worse from some of my foster parents. I know you didn't mean to beat me up, and you did say you were sorry," Leonardo replied.

Leonardo went back to his comic book. I stared at the ceiling, looking at the tiles. I started to mentally count them. One, two, three. I'd lost three people I'd loved in the past three months. Two of them were never coming back. Maybe Dr. Murphy is right, maybe talking about everything that's happened will help. My next session is tomorrow, but I can't wait until then.

"Hey, Leonardo," I said.

"Yeah," he said as he looked up from his comic book.

"Would you be bored to death if I told you about my parents and Aurora?" I asked.

"No, but let me ask you something first," Leonardo said.

"Sure," I said.

"Was Aurora your girlfriend?" Leonard asked.

I wanted to say no at first. But then I thought about it, I had been friends with Aurora for my whole life, and we knew everything about each other. I did like her, but I didn't think I'd liked her like that before.

"Yeah," I replied. "She was."

I started to tell Leonardo everything about my parents and Aurora. He was the first person I talked to about my parents.

Dr. Murphy's sessions with Ponyboy Curtis. Note pauses.

Dr. Murphy: Well, Ponyboy, are you feeling better today?

Ponyboy Curtis: Yes.

DM: Your roommate, Leonardo, has the session before you. He said you talked to him about your parents and Aurora last night.

PC: Yes.

DM: How did talking about them make you feel?

PC: It hurt.

Here there is a long pause.

PC: It hurt really bad.

DM: It often hurts to talk about these things, especially so soon.

PC: I know.

DM: Can you tell me some of the things you told Leonardo, Ponyboy?

Here there is a long pause.

DM: You don't have to tell me, Ponyboy.

PC: You know, it's weird. I wanted to talk to someone so bad about everything that's happened, so I talked to Leonardo. I told myself that I'd talk to you today, but then I found out…

DM: Found out what, Ponyboy?

PC: Found out that it hurts. Not all the Aspirin in the world can make a broken heart and a wounded soul stop hurting.

DM: Talking will help.

PC: No, talking hurts.

DM: But think about this, Ponyboy. Didn't it hurt more to keep everything inside you that it did to talk to Leonardo about it?

PC: I guess…I guess it did.

DM: So, can we talk about your parents and Aurora?

PC: I need some time to think about what I'm going to say. Can we talk tomorrow?

DM: Sure.

Exert from Ponyboy's Memory

It was just a month before mom and dad had been killed, and the height of deer season in Oklahoma. Dad liked to take Darry, Soda, and me hunting. Dad and Darry took it really seriously, but Soda and I always scared most of our game off. The truth is I don't like killing things; it just seems cruel.

We were out hunting one day, but instead of splitting up like we usually do, we all stayed together. There was a field that Dad and Darry did most of their hunting in.

"I bet there's a lot of deer there," I said; pretending to be excited.

"Oh yeah," Dad replied, "the most deer I've ever seen."

I didn't say anything after that. I didn't want it to sound like I was afraid of killing the deer. I wasn't afraid of killing them; I just didn't want too.

Dad and Darry shot three deer within ten minutes. Soda got one a few minutes later. I guess the deer realized that if they went into the field they'd get killed, so they stayed away for a while. While we sat around waiting for the deer, we started talking.

"You see, Ponyboy," Dad said, "You can't do this kind of stuff with Aurora. This is man stuff; I know she couldn't shoot a deer." Dad didn't like Aurora as much as mom.

That made me mad. Aurora was my best friend, and I knew that she could go hunting if she wanted too.

"Yeah," I said, "I guess not." I didn't want Dad to think I was a wimp.

After sitting in silence for a few minutes, another deer came into the field.

"Ponyboy, you're the only one that hasn't shot a deer today," dad said. "Why don't you get this one?"

What was I supposed to say? That I didn't want to shoot the deer because I thought it was cruel? I was afraid of what dad would say to me, so I just sat there.

"Pony, you shooting the deer or what?" Darry asked.

"I don't want to kill it," I said quietly.

"_What_?" Dad asked.

"I said I don't want to kill the deer. I don't like killing defenseless animals," I said.

I guess I said that a bit too loud because the deer ran away.

"Now look at what you've done! Scared our deer away," Dad said angrily.

We stayed in the field for a while longer, but no more deer came. Eventually, it got dark so we had to leave. I could tell that I'd disappointed dad. The whole way back, he was muttering something about how I'd never amount to anything.

That night, I apologized to dad and he said he forgave me, but I never felt like he felt the same about me.


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Now

Leonardo and I have gotten to be pretty good friends. It's nice to have someone to talk to for a change. We don't get to see each other very much because we have different therapy groups and different times with Dr. Murphy. Whenever we get to hang out though, we never run out of stuff to talk about.

We were just sitting down to breakfast; if you could call it that. It was typical cafeteria food; it could be described in one word: crap. Leonardo was poking at what looked like scrambled eggs, and I was hoping he wouldn't eat them; for his own good. Leonardo finally stopped poking at the egg-like mess and said,

"Dr. Murphy's really happy today."

"He's always happy," I replied, "it's part of the psychologist code of honor."

"More so than usual," Leonardo said, "his son got accepted to Harvard. I swear man, he was about to start doing cartwheels or something during our session."

"I have to in an hour," I said.

Leonardo put some of the egg crap on his fork and was about to eat it, but it slipped off onto the table. It bounced.

"I don't think I want to eat that," Leonardo said.

We both started laughing while people looked at us like we were crazy. Heck, we were crazy; that's the whole reason why we're here.

Dr. Murphy's Sessions with Ponyboy Curtis

Ponyboy Curtis: I heard your son got accepted to Harvard.

Doctor Murphy: Yes, he did.

PC: I bet you're happy about that.

DM: I am.

DM: So, Ponyboy, we agreed that you'd tell me something about your parents and Aurora today.

PC: Yeah.

DM: Do you know what you want to say?

PC: Yeah.

Here there is a long pause

PC: Mom and dad were really great people. They never hurt anyone; they didn't deserve to die so early. They weren't irresponsible, dad just had a really low paying job and mom never went to college. Even though we lived on the wrong side of town, they made the most of it. If any my or my brother's friends were in trouble; they'd try to help them. They actually cared about who we hung out with, and all that stuff; they weren't your typical greaser parents.

Here there is a long pause

PC: I miss them.

Here there is a long pause

DM: Ponyboy…?

PC: No response

DM: Ponyboy, are you alright?

PC: No.

DM: Do you think you could tell me about Aurora.

PC: Aurora… Basically she was living her mother's life. Her mom was a dancer and singer before she broke her ankle. When Aurora was born, she decided to make Aurora into another her, but she would actually become rich and famous. That was the only reason she didn't kill Aurora. Aurora liked singing and dancing, but she always wished that she didn't have to do everything so competitively. If Aurora did badly in a competition, her mom would beat her up.

DM: She beat her up.

PC: Yes.

DM: Did you ever witness one of these beatings?

PC: Yes. Her mom threw a chair at her, then picked her up by her shirt and slammed her into the wall. Then she hit her with a belt for a long time. Five minutes, I'd say.

DM: Anything else?

PC: She starved her once. She told her that if she told anyone, then she'd kill her. She told me though. I think that means that she didn't want to live.

DM: Why didn't you or your parents call the police?

PC: We did. They didn't do anything. I guess she just "fell through the red tape" so to speak.

DM: We think we might know where she is.

PC: You do?

Here there is a long pause

PC: I just want to see her. I need to know that she's safe.

DM: We're out of time; I'll see you in two days.

End tape

Exert from Ponyboy's memory

It was the most awful thing I've ever seen. Aurora and I were twelve, and she'd done badly in a dance competition. I was walking home with her.

"It's OK," I said as I tried to comfort a sobbing Aurora.

"No, it's not," she replied.

"It's just a stupid contest," I said.

"My mom doesn't see it that way. If I don't do well, she beats me up," Aurora said.

We stopped walking.

"What do you mean she beats you up?" I asked. I knew perfectly well what she was talking about; I just didn't want to believe her.

"I mean what I said," Aurora replied, "She hits me with a belt, chair legs, whatever she can find."

"Why?" I asked.

"I'm not good enough for her," Aurora replied.

We walked in silence for a while, and then Aurora started muttering: "You hate me? Fine, I hate you too, mom. I don't give a damn if I'm not good enough for you. I don't give a damn if you were a better dancer. Go fuck yourself."

"Rory, calm down," I said softly.

"I'm sorry," she said through her tears.

"It's not your fault," I replied.

"I should kill myself," Aurora said.

"NO!" I yelled. "You can't, you're my best friend."

"Life just doesn't seem worth it, Ponyboy," she said.

When we got to Aurora's house, her mom was waiting for her. Her face was almost purple with rage.

"Where were you?" she screamed, "Get your sorry ass in here!"

Aurora tried to get away, but her mom had her tightly by the wrist.

"Help me, Pony!" Aurora yelled before she was dragged in the house.

I didn't know what to do, so I ran to the window. Aurora's mom had her by the collar of her shirt, and she was slamming her into the wall as hard as she could. Then she took off her belt, and started to hit Aurora with it. That was too much, I started running toward my house, but before I could get there, I ran into Dally.

"Woah, Pony. Where's the fire?" Dally asked.

"Aurora's mom," I gasped, "she's beating her up. I think she's going to kill her!"

Dally started running toward Aurora's house. He liked her too; they always talked about how terrible life was. I heard them talking once about doing dual suicide. At the time I thought it was a joke, but now I'm not so sure.

When I got to Aurora's, the place was total chaos. It turned out that Tim Shepard's gang had gotten to the house before Dally, and they were all trying to help Aurora. Dally was tying Aurora's mom's hand's and feet together with duct tape, and Tim Shepard was punching her. After a few minutes, they stepped back.

"That'll teach you to beat up on her," Tim spat.

"You should be ashamed; she was defenseless," Dally said.

They left Aurora's mom, and walked over toward Aurora.

"Are you OK?" Dally asked.

"No," she sobbed.

"Come on," Dally said as he picked her up, "we'll take you to the Curtis's. They'll know what to do."

Mom did all she could for Aurora, but she needed stitches and had to go to the hospital for that. When we called the police, they got mad at Dally and Tim instead of at Aurora's mom. I knew that life wasn't fair before then, but I'll always remember that as the day that I found out life _really _isn't fair.


	8. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own the play/song "42nd Street"

Chapter Seven

Dr. Murphy's Sessions With Ponyboy Curtis

Dr. Murphy: So, Ponyboy, how are you today?

Ponyboy Curtis: OK, I guess.

DM: I'm proud of you for talking about your parents and Aurora the other day. That took courage.

PC: Thanks.

DM: What were your feelings after our session?

PC: I missed them. I went to my room and cried.

DM: Did crying make you feel better?

PC: Yes.

DM: Then I have no problem with that.

DM: Tell me about your brothers, Ponyboy.

PC: Well, Darry is my oldest brother. When he was still in school, he played football. He was really popular. He got a football scholarship, but then mom and dad died, so he couldn't go to college. Darry works really hard, he wants to make sure that Soda doesn't get sent away and that once I get out of here, I can live with him and Soda. Soda…he's not like anyone else I know. He loves horses, and he always seems to understand what I'm talking about, even if I don't make any sense. He doesn't drink, but he can get drunk off going to a drag race, or dancing. Do you know what I'm talking about?

DM: Yes.

PC: Soda never liked school. He dropped out; he works at a DX now.

DM: Is he happy there?

PC: Is he happy! In his mind, Heaven couldn't be better.

DM: Tell me this, Ponyboy. After your parents died, do you feel like you and your brothers got closer after your parents died.

PC: I hardly remember anything after they died. I remember being depressed, and cutting myself. But in a way, I guess we were closer after they died. Before, if I'd been acting depressed, they'd leave everything to mom and dad. Now that they're dead, they paid a lot more attention to me. That's why I'm here.

DM: Where do you think you'd be if you weren't here, Ponyboy?

PC: Dead.

End Tape

Now

Leonardo and I are playing poker at a table in the living room. There's a TV, but all the jock-type guys always watch football on it. If you know what's good for you, you won't get in their way.

"Crap," Leonardo said after he lost another hand. He's really bad at poker.

I just sort of laughed.

"You laughing at me?" Leonardo asked.

"Yeah," I replied.

We were about to start another hand, when a nurse walked in the room.

"There's a phone call for Ponyboy Curtis. Is he here?"

I stood up, "That's me. Who is it?"

"I don't know," the nurse said, "follow me, please."

I got to the office where the phone was waiting. I was afraid of what the person would say. What if Darry had fallen off a roof or Soda had gotten in a car wreck? I nervously picked up the phone and put it up to my ear.

"Hello," I said. I wasn't expecting what came next.

"Ponyboy. Do you know who this is?" a voice said.

It was Aurora.

"Rory!" my voice squeaked with excitement, "where are you? How did you know I was here? Are you OK?"

"One question at a time," Aurora said. "I called your house. Darry told me. I'm OK for the most part. I'm in New York City."

"Why are you calling? You always wanted to go to New York," I said.

"Because," she said. "It's not what I thought it would be at all. It's loud, expensive, and dirty, I can't get a job anywhere because I'm so young. It's cold here, and I've never been so hungry in my life. I want to come home." She started crying.

"Don't cry," I said, "people are looking for you, you know that? There are missing person ads everywhere."

"They won't be looking this far north," Aurora said.

"Come get me, please," she begged.

"Of course I'll come," I said.

"Hurry," she pleaded. "I'll die before too long. My rabbit already died."

"You don't have a rabbit," I said.

"Not anymore," she said.

It got quiet on the other end.

"Aurora?" I asked.

No response.

"Aurora, if you're there, I need to go. I'll make sure you get back to Tulsa." I said. "I promise."

I hung up the phone and turned to one of the nurses.

"I need to talk to Dr. Murphy," I said. "Now."

Exert From Ponyboy's Memory

Aurora always wanted to go to New York. The closest she ever got was when she got a staring role in the musical 42nd street. I hardly saw her in the weeks before the performance, but when I did she would start singing songs from the play. I think I knew the whole musical within a week, and I hadn't even seen it.

"You have to come," Aurora said one day when she was hanging out at my house. "I've saved you a seat and everything."

"Of course I'm coming," I said. I went to all of Aurora's plays. Whether I paid attention was another matter.

"Opening night is Monday," she said.

On Monday, I got to the theater early. Aurora had said that I could come backstage to talk to her before the play started. It took me a while to find her; it always does. If you're in a play, you have to wear a lot of makeup, and it's hard to recognize people. When I finally found Aurora, she was getting yelled at by her mom.

"I was famous after my _first _play," her mom said. She was lying; she did that a lot to make Aurora feel bad.

"I'm trying, but…" Aurora started.

"No," her mom said, "you're not, not near hard enough. If you really cared, you'd be on Broadway by now. Let me tell you, if the reviews don't make a point of saying how good you were; you're going to wish you were never born."

"I already wish I was never born," Aurora said.

"Well, that makes two of us," her mom yelled over her shoulder as she walked away.

Aurora sat down in a chair and started crying. I decided that I should try to comfort her.

"Aurora," I said softly.

She looked up. "Pony. You came."

"Of course I did," I said. "Come on, don't cry; you'll mess up your makeup."

"She's just so…" she started.

"I know," I replied.

"The reviews _never _make a special point to talk about anyone. I'm afraid to go home, I know she'll beat me up," Aurora said.

"Then don't go home," I said. "Stay at our house. Dally and Steve do it all the time."

"I couldn't do that," she said.

"Yes you can, isn't that better that getting beat up?" I asked.

"Yeah, but I'd have to go home sometime," she said, "and it'd just be worse then."

We were quiet for a few minutes, then a theater worker walked up to me and said: "Excuse me, but you need to find your seat. The play starts in ten minutes."

"Bye, Aurora," I said, "break a leg."

The musical was actually pretty good. Aurora hit a few bad notes, but nobody's perfect. I hoped her mom would figure that out. When everyone came out to take their bows, Aurora got a standing ovation. Several other people did too, but that didn't matter to me. I was proud of her.

Once the play was over, I made my way through the crowd, and backstage. Aurora was crying again.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I was so awful," she said.

"You were great," I said, "You even got a standing ovation."  
"So did everyone else," she said. "Mom's going to kill me."

"I'd better go," she said, "the sooner I face her, the less time I'll have to dread getting beat up."

The way she said it let me know that there wasn't going to be any changing her mind, so I let her go. Like she had predicted, the review of the play in the paper didn't say anything about her. I didn't see her for three days. Everyone was worried about her, so Dally finally went to her house to see if she was OK.

Needless to say, she wasn't. She was bruised, and there were cuts all over her. Her right hand was broken. Dally said that he had found her tied up in a closet. Aurora didn't go home for a week, and when she finally did, her mom had barely even noticed she was gone. I didn't think that it was fair that Aurora did so well in the play, but she got beat up for it. I wished there was something I could do to help her, but I couldn't think of anything.


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Now

I can't sleep.

Dr. Murphy somehow managed to talk to the police department in New York; they're looking for Aurora now. I wonder if she'll be hard to find, New York is a big city. She's probably dyed her hair. I don't know why I think that; it just sounds like something she'd do.

I hope she's OK.

When I was talking to her, the phone just got quiet all of a sudden. What had happened to her? Had she left? Did the phone need money, and she didn't have any? Had she gotten kidnapped by some thirty-year-old pervert? I hoped it wasn't the last one.

I wonder if she's going insane.

She had said something about a rabbit, and it had died. I know that she doesn't have a rabbit, but she's always wanted one. If she is insane, then we both could stay here in the Tulsa asylum. We'd at least be together. A place that's all white with no sharp edges on anything may be someone's idea of paradise. It certainly isn't mine.

How did she get there?

New York is a long way away, and she couldn't have walked there in so little time. Maybe she hitchhiked. Or maybe she hitchhiked part of the way, and walked part of the way. She could have rode a bus, or stowed away on a train. Stowing away on trains is supposed to be easy. Two-Bit did once; he went to New Orleans for Marti Gras. He came back so wasted…

What if she's dead?

She said that she was cold and hungry. She could have frozen, or starved, or both. You can't freeze to death _and _starve to death, can you? If you can, I think that would be in the running for worst death ever. Aurora had had a bad life; I think that she deserved a quick, painless death. What am I saying? I hope she's not dead in the first place. I'm starting to sound like a crazy person again.

I need to get some sleep; I have a session with Dr. Murphy tomorrow. I know he'll ask me a lot of questions.

I'm just so worried about Aurora.

Dr. Murphy's Sessions With Ponyboy Curtis

Doctor Murphy: Well, Ponyboy. I assume you're happy about Aurora.

Ponyboy Curtis: Yes, but I'm worried.

DM: Why is that, Ponyboy?

PC: When I was talking to her, the phone just suddenly went dead. I don't know what happened to her.

DM: She's probably fine, Ponyboy.

PC: That's just it, she's _probably _fine. I need to know that she's fine for sure.

DM: Did she say anything else that bothered you?

PC: She said that her rabbit died. She doesn't have a rabbit.

DM: You think that she could have been hallucinating?

PC: She said she was cold and hungry.

DM: That's a yes?

PC: Yeah.

DM: Since she hasn't been kidnapped, no one will be trying to hide her. Almost the whole squad is looking for her. She should be found by the end of the week. Does that make you feel better?

PC: Sort of.

DM: It's OK to be worried. Just so long as you don't loose any sleep over it.

PC: How did you know? Do you have cameras in the rooms or something?

DM: Well…

PC: Is that a yes?

DM: You're mocking me, Ponyboy.

PC: Yeah.

DM: You're in a good mood.

PC: Yeah.

DM: Back to Aurora. Your description of her is: Black hair, but you have reason to believe she might have dyed it, hazel eyes, and she's skinny. Her hair is about to the middle of her back, and her eyes are fairly big. She's pale skinned.

PC: Yeah. That's Aurora all right.

DM: You also told them about her love for rabbits. That could be helpful.

PC: I thought so, too.

DM: She was last seen wearing: jeans, a black shirt, and a baby blue zip-up jacket.

PC: Uh-huh.

DM: Well, if all your information is right…

PC: I _know _it's right.

DM: Ok then, your next session is in two days. I'll see you then.

End Tape

Exert From Ponyboy's Memory

"Aren't they cute, Ponyboy?" Aurora said. We were at the pet store looking at rabbits. It was Aurora's thirteenth birthday.

"Yeah," I replied, "I like that one." I pointed to a black rabbit with brown eyes and grey paws.

"He's cute," Aurora said. "That one's my favorite, though." She pointed at a black and white rabbit.

I nodded. I actually didn't like rabbits all that much. But it was Aurora's birthday, so I agreed to go look at the rabbits with her. Sort of like a birthday present type thing.

"Aww, look!" Aurora squealed. One of the rabbits was standing on its hind legs. Nothing special in my mind.

"Cool," I said. It really wasn't.

"I want a bunny," she said.

"I've noticed," I said.

"Sorry," she said, "I'm probably annoying you."

"You're not," I said. She really wasn't; not that much.

We looked at the rabbits for a while longer. They were kind of cool I guess, but I'd rather have a dog any day.

"Come on," she said, "we'd better go before I steal one."

"OK," I said as I headed for the door.

"Bye, bunnies," she said.

"Now what do you want to do?" I asked once we got outside.

"I dunno," she said.

We walked around for a while. Aurora was obviously in no hurry to go home, and I didn't blame her. Aurora always got treated worse on her birthday, and to make matters worse, her mom was drunk.

"You're being really quiet," she observed.

"So are you," I replied.

"Are you mad at me?" she asked.

"No," I said.

"You're sure," she said.

"Yeah," I replied.

We kept on walking in silence. It didn't bother me, but Aurora can't stand silence. She was acting nervous.

"I swear, I'm not mad at you," I said.

"It's not that," she said. "I'm just worried about what mom'll do to me."

"Then don't go home," I said. "Stay at our place."

"I might," she replied.

After a while, we both got tired of walking around, so we went to my house. Dally and Two-Bit were there, but they were the only ones. Two-Bit was asleep on the couch, he was obviously drunk. Dally was watching some show in TV. When we walked in, he turned to Aurora and said: "Can you believe it, Aurora? I'm not on 'America's Most Wanted' yet."

She laughed and said "No."

"Neither can I. Maybe I should complain or something," Dally said.

We both laughed with Dally. Then he said: "Hey, it's your birthday isn't it, Aurora? Maybe if I stole you a rabbit, I'd finally be on 'America's Most Wanted'."

"Most people don't want to be on that show, you know that?" She asked.

"They don't?" Dally replied.

"No," Aurora said, "they don't."

We sat around and watched TV with Dally. My parents came home after a while.

"Hi, Aurora, how are you?" mom asked. Dad didn't say anything. He didn't really like Aurora.

"As good as I can be, I guess," she replied.

"Your mom's been beating you up?" mom asked.

"Yeah," Aurora replied.

"I'm sorry," mom said. "I wish there was something we could do."

"It's OK," Aurora said.

A couple of hours later, Aurora left. She had some kind of dance lesson. I wasn't paying too much attention; I was reading. I guess Aurora's mom didn't beat her up, or not too bad anyway because she was fine the next day. Her mom actually wasn't that violent until that day in November. The day she killed my parents.


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Now

It's been three days since Aurora called me. I was getting ready to go to my session with Dr. Murphy, but he came and found me.

"I didn't realize I was that late," I joked.

"It's not that, Ponyboy," Dr. Murphy said. "I have something to tell you."

The first thought that ran through my head was: _Aurora is dead. _ But that's not what Dr. Murphy said.

"They've found Aurora, and she's here," he said slowly.

"Then what are you waiting for?" I asked. "Let me see her!"

"Ponyboy. She doesn't remember," he said.

"Remember what?" I asked.

"She doesn't remember anything before she ran away, Ponyboy," he said.

"Does she remember me?" I asked.

"Yes," Dr. Murphy said. "But barely. I'll let you see her. Maybe you can jog her memory."

We walked down a series of hallways into an area that I didn't even know existed. The walls were actually padded. Then I thought: Was this Hammacher? Only the really insane people go there. I was worried about Aurora. Dr. Murphy somehow read my mind.

"Yes, Ponyboy; this is Hammacher. She's pretty bad."

We got to a room, and Dr. Murphy unlocked the door.

"You can go in," he said. "but don't say anything to upset her. She was hard to calm down."

I cautiously walked into the room. What was I afraid of? This was Aurora, my best friend. She was sitting on the floor. She had dyed her hair, it was blond. I liked it better black. She was cuddling something that looked like a rabbit, but it wasn't moving. It was probably a stuffed animal. She had gotten really skinny. She had been before, but she'd gotten skinnier. Gosh, she was so damn skinny…

"Aurora?" I said quietly as I sat down next to her.

She looked up at me. Her eyes were dull, and she looked confused. "Who are you?" she asked.

Her words stung. _Who are you?_ How could she not remember me?

"Ponyboy," I replied, "Ponyboy Curtis. Your best friend since we were three. Don't you remember me?"

"It's…blurry," she said.

"We did everything together," I said. "Went to school, hung out, I went to all your dance competitions…"

"I danced?" she asked. How could she not remember dancing?

"Yes," I said. "What do you remember?"

"I remember…" she said. "Two people lying on the floor. Blood. Another person…my mom…stabbing herself. I remember someone…you, trying to hold me and comfort me I guess. I remember hitchhiking. Creepy truck drivers, and being cold and hungry. I wanted a rabbit so bad; I stole one. It died, a dog killed it. They got me another one, though."

"It's cute," I said. I hoped that would make her feel better.

"It's not real," she said. At least she knew it was a stuffed animal.

It was like all the life was gone from Aurora. She didn't remember hardly anything, her eyes weren't shining like they normally did, and she was so skinny. She looked like she hadn't eaten the whole three months she'd been missing.

"Ponyboy," she said. She remembered my name.

"Yeah," I said.

"Did you have a brother?" she asked.

"Yeah. Two of them," I replied. Did she remember Darry or Soda, or was she just curious.

"I remember something else," she said, "a guy named…Texas?"

"Close, it was Dallas," I said. "Do you remember anything else?"

"I don't know," she said. "Why can't I remember anything!" She started crying.

"Hey, it's OK, just calm down," I said as I hugged her. I was close to crying myself.

"Pony," she said after a few minutes.

"Yeah," I replied.

"They gave me a shot when I got here. Why did they do that? Where am I?"

"It was probably something to calm you down," I replied. I'd had my fair share of tranquilizers. "You're at a hospital."

"I'm not sick am I?" she asked.

"We both are," I said. "But we're getting better.

Doctor Murphy's Sessions with Ponyboy Curtis

Doctor Murphy: Well, Ponyboy. How did seeing Aurora make you feel?

Ponyboy Curtis: She wasn't herself.

DM: How so?

PC: She…I can't explain it. She was too quiet, and she didn't remember me.

DM: That bothered you?

PC: Yes it bothered me! I'm her best friend, and she hardly remembered me. Do you know how that feels?

DM: No, Ponyboy. I honestly don't.

PC: You're not making me feel much better. I thought your job was to make me feel better.

DM: My job, Ponyboy, is to help you overcome obstacles in your life. I think I've done a pretty good job of that.

PC: Really?

DM: You may not realize it, Ponyboy, but you've come a long way.

PC: I have?

DM: Yes. When you first got here, you wouldn't even talk to me. Now, you're almost ready to leave.

PC: I don't want to leave without Aurora.

DM: I don't know how to tell you this Ponyboy, but Aurora…well…

PC: Well what?

DM: Aurora might never leave.

Ponyboy refuses to talk for the rest of the session

End Tape

Now

I went to see Aurora the next day. They hadn't tranquilized her, so I didn't know what to expect. She was supposed to start talking to Dr. Murphy the next day. I was going to tell her a few things; what to expect and all that crap.

The first thing I noticed about Aurora when I walked in was that she was shaking. When I got closer, she looked really tense, and her eyes were abnormally bright. A breakfast tray was sitting on the table. The food on it was untouched.

"Hi, Aurora," I said.

She looked at me nervously.

"You remember me, don't you?" I asked.

She nodded.

"Don't you want to eat?" I asked.

She shook her head.

"Why not?" I asked.

"They've poisoned it," she said.

"Poisoned what?" I asked.

"The food," she said. "they want to kill me."

"It's not poisoned," I said. "I eat it every day, and I'm not dead."

"And they took my rabbit away," she said. It was at the foot of her bed.

"No they didn't," I said "It's right here." I handed her the stuffed animal rabbit.

"Flopsy!" she said as she hugged the rabbit, "you came back!"

"It was never gone," I said, "it was at the foot of your bed." Dr. Murphy was right. Without the tranquilizer, she was pretty bad.

Aurora didn't hear me. "You silly little bunny," she said to the stuffed animal, "you can't run away. It's not safe."

"You do know it's a stuffed animal, don't you?" I asked. She'd known last night.

"No she's not!" Aurora said.

"Yes she is. Watch," I picked up the stuffed animal and threw it across the room. It hit the wall with a quiet 'thud'. Then I realized how stupid that was.

"You killed her!" Aurora screamed.

"Aurora…I…" I said.

Aurora kept screaming. Some of the doctors came in and gave her a tranquilizer and led me out. The whole time she was crying about how I'd killed her rabbit. The doctors were telling her that it was just an accident, but she didn't believe them.

I wondered if she'd even remember what happened.


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Dr. Murphy's Sessions with Ponyboy Curtis

Dr. Murphy: You saw how bad Aurora is, Ponyboy.

Ponyboy Curtis: It's like she's fine when she's on the tranquilizers, but when she's not…

DM: My thoughts exactly.

DM: We can't keep her on tranquilizers forever, Ponyboy.

PC: I know, I know.

DM: What do you suggest we do?

PC: I don't know. I wasn't expecting this. What happened to her?

DM: When the police found her, she was sitting about ten feet from a phone booth. She refused to go with the police, she wasn't leaving until you showed up.

PC: I wonder if that's the same phone booth she called me from.

DM: Could be. What do you think is wrong with her, Ponyboy?

PC: I think she's traumatized. She's been through a lot in the past few months.

DM: So have you.

PC: But she's not had someone to talk to, and she's been out in the cold with no food.

DM: So, you think she'll be better in a few months.

PC: Time heals all wounds.

DM: Visiting day is tomorrow. Do you think your brothers or friends could talk to her for a while? That could help.

PC: I think they're like me; they'll do anything to help Aurora.

DM: We'll have to see what happens.

PC: I guess so.

End Tape

Now

Visiting day. Darry and Soda were coming for a while, about an hour or so. Then Steve, Two-Bit, and Dally were coming.

"Hey, Pony," Soda said as he sat down next to me. "I guess you're excited about Aurora, huh?"

I was quiet.

"Don't start the quiet thing again," Soda begged.

"You need to see her, Soda," I said. "She's just not herself."

"Neither were you when you first came here," Soda said.

"She's worse than I was." I said. "She's completely crazy if she's not on tranquilizers, and when she's been taking them, she's tired and she can't remember anything."

"She knew who you were, didn't she?" Darry asked.

"Barely," I said. "She didn't remember dancing. Dr. Murphy said she might never leave."

"When do you get out of here?" Darry asked.

"About a month," I replied.

Darry smiled, he looked about ten years younger. I could tell I wasn't killing him anymore.

We talked for a while, it seemed like they'd been there for five minutes instead of an hour. A car pulled into the parking lot; I recognized it as Two-Bit's. I was looking forward to seeing everyone, but I was worried about how Aurora would react. Would she go crazy?

"Pony!" Two-Bit yelled. The nurses looked angrily at him. You're supposed to be quiet in these places.

Two-Bit picked me up and swung me around. Either I'd gotten skinnier, or he'd gotten stronger. Or both.

"So, where's Aurora?" Dally asked.

"Here she is," a voice said. It was Dr. Murphy.

"I've just given her a tranquilizer, so she might be kind of sleepy. I think she's fine for the most part other than that. Good luck," Dr. Murphy said.

"You told them didn't you?" I asked. I'd told Soda to tell everyone that Aurora had lost most of her memory. I didn't know if he'd remember.

"Yeah, we know," Steve said.

"So you're blond now," Two-Bit said as he played with Aurora's hair.

Aurora looked at him quizzically. She probably didn't know who he was.

"Do you remember me?" he asked.

"I know the face…" she said quietly.

"Well, that's all that maters," Two-Bit said jokingly.

"You're…" she said.

"You have plenty of time," I said softly. "Do you know anyone here?"

She recognized Dally immediately, and then looked at everyone else. She remembered Darry as "Superman", but she didn't remember his real name. She knew Two-Bit's face, but she didn't recognize Steve or Soda at all.

We spent the rest of visiting day trying to jog Aurora's memory. I was really upset about how little she remembered, and I could tell Dally was too. He tried not to show it, but he really liked Aurora.

After everyone had said their good-byes, and they were about to leave, Aurora got this look like she'd discovered the cure for cancer.

"Two-Bit!" She said.

Two-Bit turned around, "Yeah."

"That's your name isn't it?" She said.

Two-Bit smiled. "Yeah. We'll see you next week, OK Aurora?"

She nodded and everyone left.

"Good job," I said. "you remember anything else?"

"No," she replied. "I'm tied, Pony, can I go back to my room?"

"Sure," I said, "I know; visiting day is tiring isn't it?"

"Yeah. Who were those two other people?" She asked.

"You'll need to figure that one out by yourself," I said. Dr. Murphy had told me not to tell Aurora who anyone was.

We got to Aurora's room, and I told her that I'd see her the next day after her session. I had explained what happened during sessions while I walked her to her room. I was about to leave when Aurora said "Pony, who's Mrs. Johnson?"

"She was our second grade teacher," I replied.

"Oh, I remembered the name, but I didn't know who she was," she said.

I gave Aurora a hug and said "You'll be fine." Then I started walking toward my room.

I didn't know if I really meant that.


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Now

Aurora is probably in her session with Dr. Murphy right about now. I'm worried about her. They said that she may never leave the asylum. I know that I should be optimistic, but to tell the truth, I believe them. When she's not taking tranquilizers, she's almost completely crazy. Like Dr. Murphy said, she can't stay on tranquilizers forever.

The door to my room opened. I looked up to see who it was; Leonardo. I didn't even notice that he was gone. He probably went to breakfast or something. I looked at the clock; 10:45. I'm usually a morning person, but I didn't sleep well last night. I was up late; worrying about Aurora.

"Hey Pony, we missed you at crap…I mean breakfast. Where were you?"

I sighed. I wasn't in the mood for talking. Maybe this is one of those relapses that they talk about in those medical books. You get better for a while, and then get a lot worse. I'm depressed again; I haven't been in several weeks. I can't think of why except for that I'm worried about Aurora.

"Are you OK?" Leonardo asked. He sounded worried.

"I'm fine," I replied.

"This is about Aurora, isn't it?" Leonardo asked.

"No, because I'm fine," I lied.

Leonardo sat down on his bed. "You're lying."

"Yeah," I replied.

"She'll be fine," Leonardo said. Since when is he an optimist?

"You didn't see her," I said.

"She looked fine at visiting day," Leonardo said.

"Yeah, but you should see her when she's not taking tranquilizers," I said.

Leonardo got quiet and so did I. After a while I said, "They say she'll never leave."

"I'm sorry," Leonardo said.

"I've gotta go see Dr. Murphy," I said as I walked out of the room.

I found Dr. Murphy a few minutes later. He was sitting on a couch in the lobby. His expression was grim; I guessed that things hadn't gone well with Aurora, but I asked anyway.

"How was she?" I asked.

Dr. Murphy looked up at me. "Do you remember what you were like when you first got here?"

"Yeah," I replied. I had been a wreck. I wouldn't talk to anyone, and spent most of my time holed up in my room.

"She's about ten times worse," Dr. Murphy said.

My heart sank down to my shoes.

"We aren't going to tranquilize her during sessions. We want to see what she's like without medicine. Needless to say, she's a total mess." Dr. Murphy said.

"I don't understand," I said, "she was fine during visiting day."

"I know, I know," Dr. Murphy said. He sounded tired.

"Did she talk to you at all?" I asked.

"A bit. She asked where you were and why we wanted to kill her. I don't know where she got the idea that we were going to kill her."

I sighed, I was trying not to cry. What had happened to Aurora, and why? She didn't deserve this. I wish that I could figure out what's wrong with her.

Dr. Murphy's Sessions with Ponyboy Curtis

Doctor Murphy: What would you like to talk about, Ponyboy?

Ponyboy Curtis: I don't know.

DM: You seem upset, any reason why?

PC: sarcastically Gee, I wonder.

DM: At least she's not suffering, Ponyboy.

PC: But I am.

DM: You're leaving in a month, Ponyboy. Don't ruin it for yourself.

PC: I've already told you, I'm not leaving without Aurora.

DM: You'll have too.

PC: I don't have to leave. I could go crazy all over again.

DM: We'd know that you were faking it.

DM: Why don't you want to leave without Aurora, Ponyboy?

PC: She's my best friend; I can't just leave her behind.

Here there is a long pause

PC: It's not fair! Aurora had so much going for her. She was a great dancer, actress, singer, and she was smart, and funny, and…

Here there is a long pause

Ponyboy starts crying

DM: I know; life isn't fair.

DM: Would seeing her make you feel better?

PC: I guess.

end tape

Now

Aurora was sitting in the corner of her room. She looked scared, and skinnier than before. Dr. Murphy told me that she refused to eat. I walked over to her and sat down next to her. She looked up at me with dull, bloodshot eyes.

"Pony," she said. I barely heard her.

"Yeah," I replied.

"Who is that guy?" She asked. "The one that was talking to me."

"Dr. Murphy?" I said.

"I guess so," she replied.

"What about him?" I asked.

"I dunno," she said.

We sat there in silence for a while. I was close to crying; I couldn't stand seeing Aurora like this.

"Don't you remember anything?" I asked. "What happened yesterday?"

"I don't know," she said. She wasn't just saying that; I could tell she really meant it.

I was starting to get really upset. I looked at Aurora; she was staring off into space. I knew that she wouldn't notice if I left. I stood up and walked out of the room. Just as I had predicted, she didn't notice.

Dr. Murphy was waiting for me. He looked at me sympathetically. "We're doing all we can for her," he said.

I wanted to yell at him. To say something like: "You're not doing enough." or "No, you're not." But I didn't say anything. I just nodded and started walking toward my room. I really needed someone to talk to. Darry or Sodapop, but they were at work. I guess I'll need to wait until they get home to talk to them. That's about six hours.

Six long, miserable hours.


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

Now

It's 7:15, and I'm trying for the third time to call Darry and Soda. I wonder where they are. Maybe I shouldn't be calling at all. Darry has enough to worry about, and I could always talk to Dr. Murphy. I don't think Dr. Murphy would understand though. He knows I'm worried about Aurora, but all he'll tell me is that they're doing all they can for her.

I was about to hang up when someone answered. "Hello?" It was Soda.

"Hey, Soda," I said.

"Pony! What's up?"

"I don't really know," I said. Now that I actually had someone to talk to, I realized that I didn't know what to say.

"Is this about Aurora?" Soda asked.

"Yeah. I could talk to Dr. Murphy, but he wouldn't understand," I said.

"Is she OK?" Soda asked.

"What do you think?" I asked.

"So she still doesn't know who Steve and I are?" he asked.

"No. She doesn't even remember what happened yesterday. You know, when you all came and talked to her," I said.

"She doesn't?" Soda asked.

"No," I said. "They say that they're doing all they can for her, but she'll probably never get out of here. I don't know what to do. I want to help her, but…"

"I know. But I don't think there's much you can do," Soda said. "And if they say they're doing all they can, then they are."

This wasn't the response I had expected. I thought that Soda would make me feel better somehow, but he wasn't. Darry wouldn't be much help either.

"Pony, you still there?" Soda asked.

"Yeah, I'd better go. I'll see you Sunday," I said.

I hung up the phone. The office had pretty much cleared out, there were a few secretaries finishing up last minute work. Other than them, though, there was no one there. My eyes fell on something shiny on the desk in front of me. A letter opener. Whoever worked there must have forgotten to lock it up.

My mind drifted back to before I was in the Asylum. When I was depressed, and I would cut myself. I remembered that it made me feel better. I had gotten a bit better when they found Aurora, but now that I knew that she was never leaving the asylum; I was depressed again. I picked up the letter opener and put it in my jacket pocket. I might need it later.

Later That Night

Not many people are up at 1:00 AM, but I am. There's a hall monitor that's fallen asleep at her post. I walked past her and toward the bathroom. The letter opener was still in my jacket pocket.

The bright lights and the white tile walls blinded me for a minute when I walked in. Once my eyes adjusted to the light, I went into a stall and locked the door. I took the letter opener out of my pocket and rolled up my jacket sleeve.

Letter openers are sharper than you might think, and they cut just as good as a knife. I pressed the letter opener into my wrist. I started carving random patterns: straight lines, squiggly lines, the letter "A". It felt good to cut again; all my troubles melted away. Fuck Dr. Murphy. Who needs him? I can cut.

By the time the bleeding stopped, and I got back to my room it was almost 2:30. I lay down and stared at the ceiling. That was when I remembered that they had cameras in the rooms.

"Crap," I said out-loud. They would know that I had left; they may have even seen the letter opener.

I watched the door, waiting for someone to come in and take me away, but they never did. I eventually fell asleep.

Dr. Murphy's Sessions with Ponyboy Curtis

Doctor Murphy: Ponyboy…

Ponyboy Curtis: Yes…

DM: I think you have some explaining to do.

PC: What do you mean?

DM: You know what I'm talking about Ponyboy.

PC: I do?

DM: You stole a letter opener off Mrs. Moran's desk last night. Then you cut yourself with it.

PC: no response

DM: Where is the letter opener, Ponyboy?

PC: Here. He takes the letter opener out of his jacket pocket

DM: Needless to say, Ponyboy, I'm disappointed in you. Stealing, lying, cutting. You were making so much progress. Why did you do it?

PC: I don't know.

DM: You're lying again.

PC: Are you sure that you have the right person. That that's really Aurora?

DM: She's bothering you?

DM: I don't know what to say, Ponyboy. You're depressed when she's here, and you're depressed when she's not. What do you think we should do?

PC: I don't know! I thought that she'd come back; I'd get out of the asylum, and everything would be like it was before. If I'd known that she'd be like this…

DM: I understand, but I'm still disappointed. Your brothers will be notified.

PC: Do you have to? Darry has enough to worry about.

DM: You should have thought about that before.

PC: I didn't think you'd tell them.

DM: Part of the agreement is that we notify the parents or legal guardians of any progress or digression.

PC: sigh OK, fine.

DM: Your stay will be extended two weeks.

PC: Alright.

DM: I'll talk to you more tomorrow.

End tape


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

Now

In my room. Bored out of my mind. I don't know where Leonardo is, so I don't have anyone to talk to. The nurses put this anti-bacterial crap on my wrists. It stings, but not as bad as thinking about Aurora or mom and dad.

It's all Aurora's mom's fault. If she'd been a better parent then Aurora and I wouldn't be here, and I'd still have parents. If her mom wasn't dead; I'd kill her myself. No, I couldn't kill her. Yes, I could. No. Yes. No. Yes.

I think arguing with yourself is a sign that you're crazy.

But then again, so is cutting.

What if I'm not crazy? What if I'm perfectly normal; everyone else is insane, but because they're so used to being crazy normal people are weird? Does that make any sense at all? No.

I need to get my lazy ass out of bed and walk around or something, but I don't want to. I'm too bored. I have books, but I don't want to read them, I'm too depressed. I heard the doctors talking about me. I only heard bits and pieces, but it went something like this:

"…was doing so well…"

"…it's that girl; he's worried about her…"

"…has every reason to be…"

"…but cutting?..."

"Mrs. Moran is partly to blame. Leaving a letter opener out in an asylum; that was just stupid and careless."

"…should be thankful no one else was hurt…"

"…brother was so upset; thought he was going to cry…"

"…looks like it'd take a lot to make him cry…"

"…I know…"

I left after that. It was upsetting me. I kept picturing Darry's face when I got sent here, and for the first few months I was here; when I wouldn't talk. His face was drawn, and he didn't smile. His eyes looked sunken. I was killing him. And now I'm killing him again.

Darry didn't deserve this. He was supposed to go to college; to play football, but now he can't. Why'd mom and dad have to die? Why was I crazy? What was I thinking when I cut myself. I wasn't thinking, I guess. No, I was thinking…about myself. I feel so selfish.

"I'm sorry, Darry," I muttered.

I rolled onto my side, and fell asleep.

Dr. Murphy's Sessions with Ponyboy Curtis

Doctor Murphy: Are you feeling alright, Ponyboy?

Ponyboy Curtis: No.

DM: What's wrong?

PC: I'm depressed again. I heard the doctors talking about me. They said they called Darry, and he was really upset.

DM: About your cutting?

PC: Yeah.

DM: And that bothered you?

PC: Yes.

DM: How did it make you feel?

PC: Selfish.

DM: How so?

PC: Why didn't I think about Darry? I forgot that you have cameras in the rooms. I thought that I'd be able to cut, still leave in a moth, and Darry would never know.

Here there is a long pause

PC: crying I'm sorry.

DM: It's alright, Ponyboy. We forgive you, and your brother still loves you.

PC: I'm killing him.

DM: What?

Here there is a long pause

DM: Ponyboy.

PC: no answer

DM: Ponyboy.

PC: no answer

DM: We're back to square one, Ponyboy. You're not talking to me, but I know something is bothering you. You'll feel better if you talk.

DM: What's bothering you?

PC: I don't know.

Here there is a long pause

PC: I just don't know.

DM: How did cutting make you feel.

PC: Better.

DM: Monosyllabic answers; I can't learn from those. Why did it make you feel better?

PC: I don't know how. It makes the pain go away.

DM: I see.

DM: Cutting will only keep you here longer. You need to decide what you want. Do you want to leave, to go home to your brothers? Or do you want to stay here forever?

Here there is a long pause

PC: I want the pain to go away.

End Tape

Dr. Murphy's Notes

There are times when I don't know what to think of Ponyboy Curtis, and now is one of those times. He is by far, the strangest case I've had in a while. There are times when I think he's doing so well, and then he digresses; it's like all the treatment never happened. I can't help but wonder if he's just going through the motions. He answers all the questions I ask him, but the answers don't help him realize what's wrong. Maybe I'm asking all the wrong questions. I wish I could get inside his head, so I could figure out what's wrong. But that might not even help.

He said that he wants the pain to stop. That bothers me. I know how he feels, maybe I should tell him that. I know how it feels to look fine, but you're hurting so much on the inside. We're starting him on anti-depressants, and I hope beyond all hope that they'll help him.

I've talked to Ponyboy's friend and roommate, Leonardo. He said that he's also noticed a change in Ponyboy since Aurora got here.

"I miss the old Pony," Leonardo said. "He's just not the same, and I don't like that."

His brother took the news of Pony's cutting really hard. I knew he would, but it surprised me somehow. His brother is a big guy. At least six feet tall, huge muscles; he's basically your typical football player. When I told him about Ponyboy though, I thought he was going to start crying.

His friend, Aurora; we pretty much know what's going to happen to her. She refuses to eat and she's so nervous, she hardly sleeps. We gave her that stuffed animal rabbit in hopes that it would comfort her, but it didn't work out very well. I brought in my rabbit, but it didn't comfort her either. We've asked the state for permission to give her a lethal injection. It won't hurt her, and it looks like the best thing for her. I think that the state will approve, but there's still one thing that bothers me.

I don't know how I'm going to tell Ponyboy.


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Now

I'm miserable. They're not letting me see Aurora. I don't know if I really want to see her, she looked so awful. This isn't Aurora, there must be some mistake. I know that the girl the police brought back isn't Aurora.

Lying to myself never works.

I can't forgive myself for what I'm doing to Darry. Killing him. I would call and apologize, but he won't understand. No one understands. They don't know how much I hurt.

The door opened, and Leonardo stuck his head in.

"Hey Pony. They've finally realized how much the food here sucks, and they've ordered pizza. Come on!"

I didn't move. "I'm not hungry."

Leonardo came into the room and sat next to me. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know!" I said. I didn't mean to yell, but I did.

"OK, OK," Leonardo said. "Can I just ask you something?"

"What could it hurt?" I replied.

"Why are you so depressed all of a sudden? Why did you cut yourself?"

I had some questions of my own: why is everyone asking me that? Why can't everyone just shut up? Why won't they leave me alone? I wanted to be alone, and I didn't want to answer Leonardo.

I got up and walked out of the room, Leonardo didn't even try to stop me. I walked aimlessly around the asylum. I didn't realize I was crying until a tear ran off my face, and landed on my shirt. Another one followed. I kept walking, sobbing shamelessly. That wasn't such a weird sight in an asylum, or at least I didn't think so. Apparently, some nurses did. They came over and started talking to me. Talking in those soothing voices that they always use. Can't they just speak normally?

"What's wrong?" Nameless nurse one asked. "Why are you crying?"

I didn't answer because I didn't know.

"You're Pony, aren't you?" Nameless nurse two asked.

"Uh-huh," I sobbed.

"Come on," Nameless nurse on said. "You can get something to eat."

"I don't want to," I said. "I want to be alone."

"You can go to your room then," Nameless nurse two said.

"Leonardo will be there, he'll want to talk," I said. "I don't want to talk, I want to be alone. I just want to be alone!"

The nurses started babbling in their annoying soothing voices again. I hardly heard them, I was too busy crying. One of them got on a two-way radio, and a few minutes later, Dr. Murphy showed up. He took me to my room and gave me some medicine. He said that it would make me feel better. He left after that.

I was finally alone, and I had nothing to do but cry. I laid on my bed and cried myself to sleep.

Dr. Murphy's Sessions With Ponyboy Curtis

Doctor Murphy: You were very upset last night, Ponyboy.

Ponyboy Curtis: Yes, I was.

DM: Why?

PC: I don't know why! Why do I always have to know?

DM: I want to help you, Ponyboy. That's why I ask you these things.

PC: You don't understand. No one understands.

DM: But I do, Ponyboy. You see, when I was seven I got appendicitis.

PC: That has so much to do with me.

DM: Let me finish. My family was very poor. My mother and father both had to work very hard to pay for the operation. My mother worked in a factory; that was the only place she could find a job. One day, her hair got caught in one of the machines, it pulled her scalp off, and she died. I thought it was all my fault. My father didn't do anything to help me. I went through my life until college feeling awful; I thought I'd killed my mother. One of my teachers noticed that I wasn't acting quite right, so he asked if I wanted to talk. I wound up telling him everything. It took several years, but I got over thinking that I'd killed my mother.

PC: What does this have to do with me?

DM: Two things. One, I don't want you to suffer as long as I had to. Two, I know how you feel. I know what it's like, it seems like there's nothing wrong, but you're miserable.

Here there is a long pause

PC: I let her down.

DM: Let who down?

PC: Aurora. I promised that I'd always take care of her, treat her like a sister, and make sure that no harm came to her. I broke my promise, I let her down. Now look at her, it's my fault. I've been trying to blame her mother, but I know that I'm the one responsible.

DM: From what you've told me, Ponyboy, you don't sound like the one that's to blame. Her mother really does…

PC: If I'd treated her like a sister, she wouldn't have left. I wouldn't have let her. She wouldn't be here right now; she'd be dancing or acting, like it was meant to be. Not stuck in this place. I know she's dying, Doc, I've heard people talking. I know about the injection.

DM: Pony, you tried to be not only a best friend, but a father to Aurora. Because of that, you're taking this very hard, and I wish that you'd realize that you didn't do this to Aurora, and neither did her mother. She did it to herself.

DM: What do you think of the injection, Pony?

PC: Go ahead. I don't care anymore. I've lost my parents; why not just take my best friend too? Why not take everything I ever had?

Here there is a long pause

PC: I don't want her to hurt. Not like I am. Will it hurt when she dies?

DM: No one knows for sure, but it's supposed to be painless.

PC: I don't know. You're asking me if I want my best friend to die. No, I don't, but I also don't want her to suffer. I don't know what to say.

DM: This probably isn't the best thing to talk about right now.

PC: No. What was that pill you gave me yesterday?

DM: An anti-depressant. Did it make you feel better?

PC: It made me tired.

DM: One of the side effects.

The phone starts ringing

DM: Excuse me, Pony. Our time is over, anyway. You can go.

End Tape.

Exert from Ponyboy's Memory

Aurora and I were thirteen. It was February, flu season. Aurora had been complaining about not feeling well, and I told her that maybe she should take it easy, not go to some of her dance classes or something. She wouldn't hear of it.

I really wasn't surprised when she came over at around nine. Her mom wasn't home from work yet. I was doing homework, and everyone else was watching TV. Mom was in the kitchen, washing dishes. The door opened, and I looked up. It was Aurora. She looked awful, her skin was almost sheet white, and her eyes were bloodshot. She walked over to the couch and sat down next to me.

"Pony, I don't feel good," she whined.

Mom came out of the kitchen and saw Aurora sitting next to me. That weird mom instinct told her that something was wrong.

"Aurora, honey, are you feeling alright?" Mom asked.

"No," she replied.

I got off the couch so Aurora could lie down. Mom did all the typical parent stuff. Brought her a pillow and blanket, asked how long she'd been feeling bad and was her mother home. Then she took her temperature. By the look on her face, I could tell Aurora had a fever and a pretty high one. By then dad had walked over. They talked quietly and then dad nodded.

"OK boys," dad said to everyone watching TV. "I don't mean to be rude, but if you've got a place to stay tonight would you mind leaving? Aurora's sick."

"They can crash at my place," Two-Bit said as everyone stood up.

They left as quietly as they could. Once they'd left it was just me, mom, dad, and Aurora. Darry was at a friend's house, and Soda had left with everyone else.

"Are you sure you don't need anything, Aurora?" Mom asked.

"I'm fine," Aurora replied. She was half asleep.

"I'm sorry we just have the couch," mom said.

"Better than home," Aurora said.

After a few minutes, Aurora was asleep. I finished my homework and then sat with her until Soda came home.

"Is she OK?" he asked.

"It's probably just the flu," I said.

I read in the paper where some people had died from the flu. It was all old people, though. Aurora would probably be fine. I looked at her. She was so skinny, and she looked helpless. Suddenly, I wasn't so sure that she'd be fine.

"Dally's really worried about her," Soda said. "He doesn't want anyone to know, but he is."

"She'll be fine," I said. I said it more to myself than to Soda.

"I'll tell Dally. I'm crashing at Two-Bit's. Tell mom and dad, OK?"

I nodded and Soda left. I went to bed after a few minutes, but took me a while to fall asleep because I was worried about Aurora.

I woke up a few hours later. I looked at the clock; 3:30. What had woken me up? I laid awake, and then I heard someone coughing. It took me a minute, but then I remembered that Aurora was sick. I wondered if she was OK. I got up and walked into the living room.

"Aurora, are you OK?" I asked.

Her only reply was more coughing. I sat down on the couch and cuddled her. I could tell she had a fever; her skin was so hot, it was almost burning me.

"Aurora," I said again.

She didn't reply, so I guessed she was probably asleep. She looked so helpless.

"It's OK," I said softly, "I'm gonna take care of you."

Aurora sighed. I didn't know if she'd heard me or not, but it made me feel better; less worried about her.

It took Aurora a week or two to get over the flu. Her mom didn't care that she'd left. In fact, I don't think that she even noticed she was gone until the last few days. We kept telling her to fake sick so she wouldn't have to go home, but she wouldn't do it. She needed to get back to school or something. Aurora hadn't heard me when I was talking to her that night, but that didn't matter to me. I promised myself that I'd always take care of Aurora, that I'd treat her like a sister.

And I broke my promise.


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

Now

It's been a few days since they started giving me the anti-depressants. They help a bit, I guess. But no amount of anti-depressants could have made me feel better about what happened next.

There was a knock on my door. Dr. Murphy walked in. I panicked, usually when Dr. Murphy comes to see you, you're either in trouble or your world is about to end.

"Ponyboy," he said softly.

"Yeah," I replied.

"We got a call from the state yesterday. They approved letting us use the injection on Aurora. They assured us that her death will be painless. We want her to be out her misery as soon as possible. I thought you might want to come say goodbye."

I was shocked. I couldn't believe that they were going to kill Aurora. "Is she…" I started.

"Yes, Pony," Dr. Murphy said, "she's dying."

Dr. Murphy and I walked to Aurora's room. All the nurses were there. One of them was holding an empty syringe. They looked at me sympathetically as I walked by them, and into her room.

Aurora was lying on her bed, barely breathing. She was holding the stuffed animal rabbit close to her chest. I sat on the bed and cuddled her like I had that night last year when she had had the flu. Was it only last year? It felt like forever ago.

"Pony," she said.

"Yeah," I replied.

"I'm dying, aren't I?" she asked.

"Yeah, but it'll be over soon. You'll be in Heaven, and you won't hurt anymore," I said. I wanted to go with her.

"I love you, Aurora," I said.

"I know," she replied.

I held Aurora and cried. I knew she was dying. I didn't want her to die; fourteen is too young to die.

"Tell everyone I love them," Aurora said. "I want you to have all my stuff except for two things. There's a gold cross necklace on my dresser. I want to be buried wearing it. I want Dally to have my silver ring, the one I wore on my thumb. You can have everything else."

"OK," I said. "Anything else?"

"I'm sorry about your parents. I don't want you to die too, Pony. Keep on living; do that for me. Get out of this place, be somebody. I love you," Aurora said.

I looked down at Aurora, and all my memories with her came flooding back. I'd only been friends with her eleven years. Eleven short years, and she was only fourteen. That was too young to die. I wasn't ready for her to die, but I could tell that she was. She'd suffered long enough. Her breathing slowed, and stopped. She sighed, and she was gone.

I looked down at Aurora; I guess I was expecting her to suddenly come back to life or something. I sat there for almost five minutes looking at her. Then the truth hit me: Aurora is dead. She's never coming back. I left the room as quickly as I could.

Dr. Murphy was waiting for me. He hugged me.

"Pony, I'm so sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

That made me mad. I didn't want to talk to him, or anyone else. He didn't have any right to hug me. Who did he think he was, my father? I pulled away from the hug.

"I don't want to talk!" I yelled.

"Pony," he said; trying to hug me again.

"Don't touch me!" I yelled. I turned away from the group of nurses and doctors and ran away as fast as I could.

I couldn't think of anywhere safe that I could go. They could find me in my room, the bathroom, the lobby, the rec-room, the nurse's station, the cafeteria. I couldn't think of anywhere I could go. I didn't really care as long as I didn't go back. Back to all the nurses and doctors, and back to the room where I knew Aurora was lying; dead.

Doctor Murphy's Sessions with Ponyboy Curtis

Doctor Murphy: I'm so sorry about Aurora, Pony.

Ponyboy Curtis: I'm sure you are.

DM: You need to realize, Pony, that we did the best thing for her.

PC: No response

DM: She's in a better place now, Ponyboy.

PC: No response

DM: I understand if you don't want to talk, but I think you'll fell better if you talk.

PC: She said that she wants to be buried wearing her gold cross necklace. She wants Dally to have her silver ring, and she wants me to have the rest of her stuff.

DM: That can be arranged.

Here Ponyboy starts crying

PC: She's dead.

DM: I know.

PC: I don't want her to be dead.

DM: I understand.

PC: She can't be dead, she was only fourteen. She was too young to die. It's not fair!

DM: I know. Life isn't fair.

PC: crying I want my brothers.

DM: I know.

PC: I just want to be alone.

DM: I thought you wanted your brothers.

PC: I do.

DM: But you also want to be alone?

PC: Uh-huh.

DM: That doesn't make sense. What do you want?

PC: I want Aurora, I want to go home.

DM: You can't do that, Pony.

PC: I want my mom and dad.

DM: They're dead, Pony. You know that.

Here Ponyboy starts crying

Ponyboy was given a tranquilizer and sent to his room

End tape.

Exert From Ponyboy's Memory

It was just over four months ago. November fifteenth. The day Aurora's mom killed my parents.

The weather had been really cold lately, and that day was no exception. I still remember the voice of the TV weatherman: "The high today is in the upper forties." The sun was shining, but that didn't fool anyone. If you knew what was good for you, you were inside where it was warm.

Since we didn't have much money, we just had a few space heaters. Steve, Soda and I were sitting in front of one of the space heaters and Two-Bit, Dally, and Darry in front of the other. We had stupidly gone outside and tried to play football. We got too cold after about ten minutes though. Mom walked into the living room and saw all of us sitting in front of the space heaters.

"Should one of you go check on Aurora? I bet she's about to freeze," Mom said.

"I'm not going back out there," Two-Bit said.

"OK," mom said. "I just hope she's alright."

After a few minutes we started watching TV. I wondered where Aurora was. It was almost three; she was normally here by now. I told myself that she probably just had a dace class or something, but I was still worried. No one else seemed worried; their eyes were glued to the TV set. I tried to relax and watch TV with everyone else, but I couldn't concentrate on the show.

I was about to go check on Aurora when the door opened, and she ran in. Her nose was bloody, and it looked like she was starting to get a black eye. She was out of breath, like she'd been running for a long time. Everyone looked up.

"Aurora, what happened?" Soda asked.

"Mom," Aurora gasped. "She beat me up. I got away and ran for a while. I finally lost her, but I think she'll be here in a few minutes."

Mom had heard the whole thing. "Are you alright, honey?" mom asked. "You must be freezing; just wearing that jacket."

Mom sat Aurora down in front of one of the space heaters and brought her some hot chocolate. We sat in a circle around Aurora. If her mom came, we were going to try to keep her from hurting Aurora.

Her mom didn't show up for a half hour or more. By then, dad had gotten home, and mom had explained what had happened to him. While dad really didn't like Aurora, I saw sympathy in his eyes.

When Aurora's mom came in, the first thing I noticed was how angry she looked. Her hair was messed up from running, her face was bright red, and one of the heels of her shoes had broken off. The second thing I noticed was the knife she held. She wasn't just planning on beating Aurora up; she was planning on killing her. We all stood up, ready to fight her mom. I wasn't about to let her kill Aurora, and neither was anyone else.

"Aurora," her mom said sweetly. "Come here."

"No," she replied.

"I said come here," her mom barked. "Don't make me hurt you more than I have to."

None of us had noticed that Dally had left the circle. He punched Aurora's mom as hard as he could in the jaw. I heard the sickening crack as her jaw broke. Aurora's mom turned to Dally and cut him across the face with the knife. Pretty soon, we were all beating Aurora's mom up. She was pretty strong, and she had the advantage of the knife. We'd only been fighting for a few minutes when mom and dad came in.

"Stop, stop," mom yelled. "Let's talk about this instead of fighting." She always hated violence.

Aurora's mom stood up slowly. I remember I was holding Aurora as close as I could.

"Talk," her mom said angrily, "Yeah, we'll talk. You can have a nice long chat with this knife here."

Before any of us could stop her, Aurora's mom had stabbed each of my parents twice in the head and chest. Then I guess she realized what she'd done, and that she'd go to jail for murder.

"Shit," she said. Then she stabbed herself.

We looked at my parents and Aurora's mom; stunned. Then we turned to Aurora. She was obviously in shock. Her mouth was moving, but she wasn't saying anything.

"Aurora," I said. I tried to hug her, but she wouldn't let me.

"I'm sorry, this is all my fault," she said. She was crying.

"It's not your fault," I said.

Aurora just shook her head. Then she turned and ran out the door. I tried to chase after her, but Darry held me back.

"Let her go," he said. "She'll be back."

But she didn't come back. She wasn't at my parent's funeral, or at her moms' funeral. We told the police about her, and they started looking for her. It took them three months to find her, and when they did; it was too late.


	17. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

Now

Aurora died three days ago. Her funeral is today. Darry and Soda and everyone is supposed to be there. I keep thinking about how wrong this is. Aurora was only fourteen, she shouldn't have died.

I've gone through the past few days in a kind of stupor. I didn't really know what was going on around me, and I couldn't stop crying. I wouldn't eat, and I could hardly sleep. I was getting sick from crying so much, but I didn't care. All I had cared about was Aurora, and now she's gone.

I rode in the hearse; sitting next to her coffin. Never in my worst nightmares could I have imagined this. I pretended that it wasn't Aurora in the coffin. That it was some distant aunt that had died. It worked for a few minutes, but then I couldn't pretend anymore. This really was Aurora; she really was dead. I started crying again.

No one else was there when we got to the cemetery. I went to where Aurora's tombstone was. It was actually pretty; for a grave marker. It was Slate with a picture of a rabbit next to her name.

It said: Aurora Harmony Kincaid 1952-1966 daughter and beloved friend.

The picture of the rabbit was kind of out of place. Rabbits are supposed to be happy, and a tombstone was the polar opposite of happy. But I had told them to put the rabbit there; I knew that she would have liked it.

I leaned my head against the grave marker and cried.

"Why'd you have to go?" I sobbed. "Why did you leave me here all alone? I miss you, come home."

I knew that begging Aurora to come home was useless, and it just made me feel worse. I was still sitting in the same place when I head someone say "There he is!" It was Soda.

The next thing I knew, he was sitting next to me, and I was crying on his shoulder.

"Pony, I'm so sorry. Are you alright?" Soda asked.

I looked up at Soda. I knew my eyes were red and puffy from so many days of crying and not sleeping. "No," I replied.

Soda held me while I cried. He was my favorite brother, and I didn't want him to see me like this, but I couldn't help it. I missed Aurora. I heard footsteps and some people talking. All the rest of the gang was there. They stood next to Soda and me in silence. I stood up. Everyone nodded at me; I guess they didn't really know what to say.

"Hi," I said softly. My voice was hoarse because I was still crying. I reached in my pocket and took out the ring. I gave it to Dally. "She wanted you to have this."

Dally looked at the ring for a second, and then put it in his pocket. I don't know why Aurora wanted him to have the ring, it wouldn't fit him. Aurora…I started to cry even harder. Once again, no one said anything. I was getting sick of the silence. Why didn't anyone say anything? I wanted to scream at them: Why don't you talk? But I couldn't. Darry walked over and stood next to me.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed. "I'm sorry I cut myself. I'm sorry I'm killing you; I know how it feels, I'm dying too."

"It's Ok, Pony," Darry said. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I cried all through the funeral. I don't remember a thing anyone said. When I was supposed to talk about Aurora, I just couldn't do it. I was crying too hard. We stood around for a while after the funeral was over. Then Steve left, he said he had to get back to work. Dally left with him; he had looked close to tears, I think he didn't want anyone to see him crying. So It was just my brothers and Two-Bit. Two-Bit wasn't smiling; he always smiled. I wished he would smile; it would make me feel better somehow. But he didn't smile; instead, he said: "We'd better go."

Darry and Soda nodded, and we started walking toward Two-Bit's car. Before we left, I sat next to Aurora's tombstone one second longer.

"Goodbye," I whispered before I got up and left with everyone else.

Two-Bit drove back to the Asylum, and I sat in the back between Darry and Soda. I was still crying. They tried to comfort me, but I kept on sobbing. I wasn't feeling well, and I missed Aurora.

"Pony, you've gotta quit crying," Darry said. "You're gonna get sick."

I didn't care, I was already sick. I knew that Darry and Soda were worried, but I was too upset to stop crying.

When we got back to the asylum, I walked in wordlessly. Darry and Soda were talking to a nurse at the desk; they probably wanted to see Dr. Murphy. They were most likely going to ask him if there was anything they could do for me. There wasn't, not unless they could bring Aurora back.

Leonardo was in the room. I didn't want to talk to him, so I didn't go in. There were people in the rec-room, so I didn't go in there either. There was no where vacant except for the nurses station. I went in and sat on one of the cots. I buried my head in my hands and sobbed. I heard the door open a few minutes later.

"Are you alright?" the nurse asked.

I looked up from my hands "No," I said softly.

"You're Pony, aren't you?" The nurse asked. "I'm so sorry about Aurora." Don't they have anything else to say besides 'I'm sorry'?

"It hurts," I whimpered, "Do you have anything that can make the pain stop?"

"No," the nurse said, "I'm afraid I don't. But if you want to be alone for a while, I can leave."

I nodded and the nurse left the room. The nurse's station smelled bad, like a mix of alcohol and vomit, but at least I was alone. I really wasn't feeling good. I laid down on the cot and closed my eyes. I'd just take a short nap…

Doctor Murphy's Sessions with Ponyboy Curtis

Doctor Murphy: You look awful, Pony.

Ponyboy Curtis: I feel awful.

DM: Nurse Teague said you have a fever.

PC: Yeah.

DM: You didn't have to come.

PC: I know.

Here there is a long pause.

PC: It's cold in here.

Here there is a long pause

DM: Your brothers are very worried, Pony.

Here there is a long pause

PC: Why'd she have to die?

DM: It was the best thing, Pony. She's in a better place now.

PC: I miss her.

DM: It's OK to miss her, Ponyboy.

Here there is a long pause

PC: I don't feel good.

DM: Do you want to go back to your room?

PC: Not yet.

DM: How does this make you feel?

PC: What?

DM: How does Aurora's being dead make you feel?

PC: How do you think it makes me feel?

DM: Depressed, upset, lonely?

PC: All of the above.

Here there is a long pause

PC: Can I go to my room now?

DM: Sure.

End tape


	18. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

Now

Instead of taking me to my room, Dr. Murphy took me to the infirmary. By then, I was feeling so bad I could hardly walk. The nurses fussed over me for a while and they let me lie down on a cot. A nurse that I had never seen before gave me a ton of medicine; she told me what each one was for as she gave them to me: headache, fever, different crap. Eventually, the nurses left me alone and I heard Dr. Murphy on the phone with one of my brothers. I only heard half of the conversation, but it went like this:

"Yes, I can tell he feels awful," Dr. Murphy said.

Pause

"He has a fever."

Pause

"A few hours, maybe."

"Yes."

Long pause

"He'll be alright."

Long pause

"Calm down, he's fine."

Pause

"Don't cry. He's fine, I promise."

Pause

"You can come see him if that will make you feel better."

Pause

"Ok."

Pause

"I'll see you in a few minutes."

Dr. Murphy hung up. I wondered who he had been talking to. I hoped it wasn't Darry, he had enough to worry about. It couldn't have been Darry, he never cried, not even at mom and dad's funeral. But hadn't he cried when I started talking again? I couldn't remember I was too sick to remember; and too sleepy, I was so sleepy.

"Pony," Dr. Murphy said. He was standing right next to me.

I didn't answer, I didn't feel like answering.

"Can you hear me?" he asked.

Once again, I didn't answer.

"Your brother is coming," Dr. Murphy said.

"Mmmm," I said. What did he mean 'brother'? I have two brothers.

"Soda is worried about you," Dr. Murphy said. "He was the only one home at the time, but Darry will come as soon as he's off work."

So it was Soda. Thank God.

"Are you awake?" Dr. Murphy asked after a long pause.

I didn't say anything. I wanted him to leave me alone.

Dr. Murphy left after a few minutes. Different nurses would come in every five minutes or so to check on me. They thought I was asleep, so they didn't talk to me. Where was Soda? He should have been here by now. I hoped he hadn't been in a car wreck, I couldn't live through another person dying; especially Soda. Eventually I heard footsteps coming down the hall.

"He's asleep now," Dr. Murphy said. "I'll let you see him, though."

I didn't bother to open my eyes because I knew that the person next to my bed was Soda.

"Hey, Pony," Soda said softly.

I wondered why he was talking to me if they thought I was asleep.

"You probably can't hear me. Don't wake up, you need to sleep," Soda said.

I slowly opened my eyes. They were sore and heavy, probably from the fever. Soda's eyes were red, and his face was tear-stained. He smiled when he saw I was awake.

"I bet you feel bad," Soda said.

I nodded slowly, it made my head hurt even more. I'd have to ask for some Aspirin.

"Darry wasn't home, but he'll be here soon," Soda said.

He was still talking softly, but it wasn't annoying, like when the nurses talked to you. Soda's voice was soothing, and it was making me sleepier. My eyelids started to droop, but I couldn't fall asleep; Darry wasn't there. Soda was still talking to me, but I didn't know what he was saying. All the words sounded the same. My eyes fell closed, and I drifted into a deep sleep.

When I woke up, Soda was gone. The clock on the wall said that it was midnight. My head was throbbing; it felt like my brain was going to burst out of my skull. I looked around the room; there were no nurses or other patients. I really needed an Aspirin. I told myself not to panic and to try to ignore the throbbing pain in my head but I couldn't. Then I noticed the button on the side of my bed with a note that said: _If you need assistance, press button and a nurse will come. _ OK, so that's not exactly what it said, but it's close enough. I pressed the button and waited for a nurse to come. One showed up after a few minutes.

"What do you need?" she asked in an 'I haven't got all day' tone of voice.

"Do you have any Aspirin?" I asked feebly.

"I can't give you anything without Dr. Murphy's permission," the nurse said.

"Then call him up and get permission! My head hurts like heck, and I want an Aspirin _now_!" I hadn't meant to yell, I didn't even know that I could yell. I used up all my energy yelling at the nurse, and I sunk wearily back onto my pillow. The nurse was about to tell me that she couldn't call Dr. Murphy, but another nurse walked in.

"What's going on?" she asked. She had one of those soothing nurse voices.

"She won't give me an Aspirin," I whined.

"I told him that he can't have any medicine without Dr. Murphy's permission," the evil nurse said.

"It's just an Aspirin," the nurse that had just came in said, "I'm sure he'll be fine."

Both the nurses left the room, and I was alone and miserable again. One of the nurses came in and gave me an Aspirin a few minutes later. I didn't bother telling her that I usually take at least five Aspirins because I knew that she wouldn't let me have any more. My head still hurt, the Aspirin wasn't helping at all. I laid awake for a few hours before I finally fell asleep.


	19. Chapter 18

Author's note: Sorry this took so long. School has started back, and I have SO much homework, so I haven't had as much time to write. I'll try to write some more this weekend.

-BillyMartinGoodCharlottefan

Chapter Eighteen

Dr. Murphy's Sessions with Ponyboy Curtis

Dr. Murphy: Are you feeling better, Ponyboy?

Ponyboy Curtis: Yes.

DM: You were sick for a long time.

PC: Two weeks.

DM: I know.

Here there is a long pause

DM: We never got to finish talking about Aurora, Ponyboy. You were too sick.

PC: Yeah.

DM: Could we talk about her now?

PC: Do we have too?

DM: It would make you feel better.

PC: Alright.

DM: I know I ask you this a lot, but how did her dying make you feel?

PC: I'm glad she's not suffering, but I miss her.

DM: There's more to what you're feeling, Pony.

Here there is a long pause

PC: You didn't try hard enough.

DM: What?

PC: Aurora was only here for a week; that wasn't long enough. You didn't do all you could for her. I know she could have gotten better; you just didn't want to waste your time. She wasn't a lost cause, you could have helped her.

DM: Is that how you see it Ponyboy?

PC: Yes.

DM: You saw her yourself, Ponyboy.

PC: Yeah.

DM: Did you honestly think we could have helped her?

PC: You could have waited a few more days before you gave her the injection.

DM: She would have died in a few more days, Ponyboy. She wasn't eating. We made her death painless, Ponyboy.

Here there is a long pause

PC: I think she was ready to die.

DM: I think she was, too.

PC: But I wasn't ready for her to die.

End Tape

Now

I wish I didn't have to go to my sessions, they're depressing me. I faked sick for a few days so I wouldn't have to go to them. I used to actually like going to sessions. What was I thinking? I wasn't thinking I guess.

I've been trying to avoid people for the past few days. I'll do anything to avoid talking. I've been getting to lunch and dinner late, and skipping breakfast altogether. I've been hiding out in the bathroom a lot; the showers are the best place. No one can see you there.

Most of all though, I've been avoiding my room. Leonardo is there almost all the time; it's like he's waiting for me to show up so he can talk to me. I don't want to talk to him. He annoys me now; I can't believe I was ever friends with him.

During one of those rare times when Leonardo wasn't in the room, I was sitting on my bed reading a book. I was planning on leaving in a few minutes so I could avoid Leonardo, but right as I was about to leave he walked in. I was trapped. I guess I'd have to talk to him.

"Hey, Pony," Leonardo said. "I haven't seen you in a while."

I didn't say anything.

"Could I talk to you for a few minutes?" Leonardo asked.

"Sure," I said.

We sat down on the floor; facing each other.

"So…are you feeling better?" Leonardo asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"I'm sorry about Aurora," Leonardo said.

"Me too," I replied.

"…but we…I mean me and the doctors, we're worried about you. Aurora is dead, but you need to move on. Being depressed won't help you," Leonardo said.

That was when I came up with my plan. I'd had a lot of time to think it over while I was sick, and I decided that life wasn't worth it without Aurora. Suicide was looking like the best answer. There was no way I could kill myself in the asylum, but if I got out I would have ample access to knives, guns, and ropes. I would pretend to get better and then leave the asylum. Once I got out, if nothing happened to make me change my mind in the next two weeks, I would do suicide. I had pretended to get better before and it hadn't worked, but it wouldn't backfire this time. I'd make sure of that.

"You're right," I said to Leonardo. "I'll try to get better."

Leonardo got this really surprised look on his face, and I wished I'd had a camera so I could have gotten a picture of him.

"Good," Leonardo said. "I know you'll get better."

"Well…um…I have to go. I have a session," I said.

"OK, bye," Leonardo said.

"Bye," I replied.

I smiled to myself as I walked down the hall. Leonardo had actually believed me! This was going to be easier than I thought.


	20. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

Dr. Murphy's Notes

As I've said before, Ponyboy Curtis is one of the strangest cases I've ever seen, and he just gets stranger. It seems like he's been more and more depressed every day since Aurora's death. He's taking it very hard, she was like his sister. For the first several days after she died, he did nothing but cry. He made himself sick with all the crying. He's better now, but only psychically. Psychologically, however, he's sicker than ever before.

We've been giving him anti-depressants, and we thought he was taking them but when the maid was changing the sheets today, she found seven anti-depressant pills in his pillowcase. He misses breakfast every morning, and he's almost always late to lunch and dinner. He also seems tired. He used to be a morning person, but I've been having to wake him up on mornings when he has sessions, and then he dozes off while we're talking. He's also been avoiding people as much as he can. He hides out in the bathroom most of the time. We're considering moving his roommate, Leonardo, to another room, but we don't know if that will do any good. Pony probably wouldn't even notice. I found some pictures that he drew, and I was extremely disturbed by them. They were different drawings of a guy that looked like Pony doing suicide in different ways. Stabbing himself, shooting himself, hanging, him lying next to an empty bottle of pills. The words 'I wish I was dead' were written several times on the page.

Recently, he's been acting happier, but that doesn't fool me. He just wants to get out of here so he can kill himself. I'm actually afraid for him; I've never felt that way about a patient. Besides cutting that one time he hasn't tried to harm himself in any way, but I know he wants to. If he cuts himself again, we'll have to move him to Hammacher. I don't want that to happen to him.

But I'm afraid it will.

Now

They found my drawings; the ones of me killing myself. Dr. Murphy wasn't mad; he said that he was more scared than anything. I guess that I won't be able to get out of here now, at least not for a while. I'll just have to suffer longer. I think if they knew how badly I want to die, and how much I was suffering, they would give me a lethal injection, like they did to Aurora. I just don't care about anything anymore; I don't even care about Darry and Soda. I used to, but then I just stopped. The only thing I care about now is dying. I want death to come, wrap me in its cold embrace and take me away. The closest think I can get to death is sleeping, but with sleep comes nightmares. When you're dead, you can't dream.

I wish I was dead.

The bell rang; the one that tells us to go to dinner. I'm not hungry, I'm never hungry anymore. Maybe I'll die if I don't eat. I hope so. I lay down on my bed; I could at least try to sleep. I can never get enough sleep, I'm always tired. I was just starting to drift off to sleep when I felt someone shaking me.

"Pony, get up now." It was Dr. Murphy.

"I don't feel good," I said.

"Do you want to go to the infirmary?" Dr. Murphy asked. He sounded mad.

"Could I sleep?" I asked hopefully.

"No. You're coming to dinner, _now_," Dr. Murphy said. He was really mad.

"Ok, ok, I'm getting up," I said. I was still wearing all my clothes, so I didn't need to get dressed.

Dr. Murphy walked with me until I got to the cafeteria, and he left once I'd gotten something to eat and I'd sat down. As soon as he left, I got up and threw my food away. I wasn't eating, they couldn't make me. As I was sitting down, my hand scraped against something sharp. It was a piece of metal sticking out from the table. It was about to fall off. I wanted more than anything to break the piece of metal off the table and cut myself with it. The last time I cut myself I got caught, but maybe somehow I could cut and not get caught. Are there cameras in the cafeteria? I decided it was worth the chance and I broke the piece of metal off the table and quickly put it in my jeans pocket. I hoped I'd be able to cut myself with it. It would make me feel so much better.

Dr. Murphy's Sessions with Ponyboy Curtis

DM: What's wrong, Pony?

PC: What do you mean?

DM: It's like you're more and more depressed every day.

PC: That's how I feel.

DM: I'm worried about you. Those pictures you drew could only have come from somebody with a very disturbed mind. They were obviously a cry for help.

PC: I don't want help, I want to die.

DM: You were pretending to feel better so you could get out of here, am I right?

PC: It didn't fool you, huh?

DM: No.

PC: I hoped it would.

DM: Why did you want to trick me, Ponyboy? Why do you want to get out of here?

PC: I already told you, I want to die.

DM: Why do you want to die?

PC: Life isn't worth it without Aurora. You don't know how much I'm hurting. I'm tired all the time, I'm never hungry, and I just don't care anymore. It's hard to get out of bed in the morning. What's the point?

DM: I see.

PC: No you don't. You'll never see. You don't understand.

Here there is a long pause

DM: Pony, are you awake?

PC: I wish I wasn't.

Here there is a long pause

PC: I'm miserable.

DM: I'm sorry. I wish you'd let me help you.

PC: There's nothing you can do.

Here there is a long pause

PC: I want to go back to sleep.

DM: Our time is up, you can go.

End Tape


	21. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

Now

I'm so tired. I've been lying on my bed trying to sleep for the past hour, but I just can't sleep. I don't know why. I'm exhausted. Living is exhausting. I could cut; I don't care what happens to me anymore. Cutting is looking so good. I want the pain to stop. Cutting; it's like Novocain for the soul. I felt for the piece of metal in my pocket; it was still there. I dragged myself out of bed and started walking toward the bathroom. I wouldn't get caught this time.

I went into a shower stall. There was a smaller chance of my getting caught there; the blood would run down the drain. I dug the metal into my wrist. It was sharp; sharper than the letter opener had been. I cut my arms as deep as I could, I thought about how good it would feel to cut to the bone. I wanted my arms to be one bloody mess. I wanted to bleed to death. Cutting felt so good, I leaned my head against the shower wall, still digging the piece of metal into my arm. I tried as hard as I could not to moan, it just felt so good to cut.

For once I was content, I wasn't thinking about suicide. I didn't care that I would be in the asylum for a long time, I didn't care that I was killing Darry. I didn't care about anything. The only two things in the world were me and the piece of metal I was cutting myself with. And the pain, the bittersweet pain of cutting.

I looked down at my arms. They were covered with blood. Just like I'd wanted them to be. I got out of the shower and rinsed the blood off my arms; there were deep cuts all over them. Most of them were still bleeding. They wouldn't stop bleeding for a while. I pulled my jacket sleeves down as far as they would go, and put the piece of metal in my pocket.

Leonardo wasn't in the room. I flopped down on my bed, my arms and wrists stinging. I was glad that my jacket was leather, because the blood would have soaked through by now. I realized that I hadn't rinsed the blood out of the shower, but I didn't feel like going back and cleaning up. I was too tired. I was so damn tired all of a sudden. My eyes fell shut and I drifted into a deep sleep.

It was almost dinnertime when I woke up. My arms were covered in dried blood, and to my horror, so were my hands. The blood must have dripped down on them. I put my hands in my pockets and quickly headed toward the bathroom.

I scrubbed the blood off my hands and looked at my arms. They looked like two giant scabs, and soon they would turn into scars. I wouldn't be able to cut until the cuts turned into scars. That could take weeks. I didn't know if I'd be able to last that long without cutting. I'd have to see.

Dr. Murphy's Sessions with Ponyboy Curtis

DM: You look tired, Pony.

PC: I am.

DM: Can't you sleep?

PC: All I do is sleep. I don't know why I'm so tired.

DM: The cafeteria workers tell me you haven't been eating.

PC: I'm not hungry.

DM: Never?

PC: No.

DM: That could be why you're so tired. You're malnourished from not eating.

PC: I already told you, I'm never hungry anymore.

DM: OK, Ok. I understand.

Here there is a long pause

DM: Pony?

PC: No response

DM: Pony, are you awake?

Here there is a long pause

Pony fell asleep, and was taken back to his room

End tape


	22. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One

Dr. Murphy's Notes

My worst fears have come true; Pony is cutting again. He fell asleep during our session, and as the nurses were carrying him back to his room, one of his jacket sleeves rode up. There was a fresh cut on his arm. I wanted to think it was just an accident, but when his sleeves were rolled up all the way, I knew it wasn't. There were awful looking cuts all over his wrists and arms. Some of them may even be infected. We don't know how he could have cut himself, but we'll have to find out soon to make sure no one else is in danger.

To make matters worse, Pony isn't eating, and as a result he's loosing weight and he's always exhausted. We can't make him eat, and I'm afraid he'll starve to death. We've moved Leonardo out of his room, and turned the room into a makeshift infirmary. Everyone agreed that we shouldn't move him yet. Once he's a bit better, we'll have to move him to Hammacher. I don't want to, but it's obvious that he'll just keep hurting himself if I don't. I'm afraid to call his brothers; the oldest one, Darry, will probably kill himself when he finds out what's wrong with Ponyboy.

Ponyboy looks so helpless, I'm almost afraid he's dead. He hasn't moved in over an hour. Patients keep walking by the room and looking in; I'm sure there are several different rumors going around about him by now, and I'm sure none of them are true. I guess I should call his brothers, but I don't want to give them more bad news.

They didn't deserve this.

At the Curtis House

Darry was the only one home. Soda was out with Steve and Two-Bit. Darry was almost glad he was alone, he'd had a hard day at work and he was thankful for the silence. He'd just sat down in his favorite chair and was starting to read the paper when the phone rang.

"What is it now?" Darry asked as he stood up and walked into the kitchen where the phone was.

He picked up the receiver, "Hello," he said.

"Yes, is this Darrell Curtis?" a voice asked.

"Who is this?" Darry asked.

"This is Dr. Murphy, Ponyboy's psychologist. I hate to be the barer of bad news, but Pony has been cutting again, and he refuses to eat. We're moving him to Hammacher tomorrow."

Darry was shocked. He hadn't seen that coming.

"Hello, is anyone there?" Dr. Murphy asked.

"I…I'm here," Darry said weakly.

"I'm so sorry," Dr. Murphy said.

"I've got to go," Darry said. He slammed the receiver down just in time. The tears started streaming from his eyes.

When Soda came home that night he found Darry on the couch crying and holding Ponyboy's pillow. He knew something was wrong.

"Dar? You ok?" Soda asked.

"Pony," Darry sobbed. "He cut himself again, and he won't eat. They're moving him to Hammacher tomorrow."

Soda sank onto the couch next to Darry. How could this have happened? He was supposed to be getting better, not worse.

"It's my fault," Darry sobbed, "I should have realized something was wrong long before we sent him to the asylum…I…"

"It's not your fault," Soda said. He was close to tears himself.

"What if he never gets out?" Darry asked.

"Don't think about that," Soda said. He was crying by then. "Pony'll get to come home, I know he will."

Darry and Soda sat on the couch and cried all night; taking turns holding Ponyboy's pillow.

Now

They're sending me to Hammacher. I've been pretending to be asleep for the past few hours, but I've been awake, thinking. I won't get a chance to cut myself or do suicide in Hammacher. I'll be even more miserable.

They've turned my room into a makeshift infirmary, which means that there are all kinds of pills. There's also a glass of water, and a half-empty soda can that one of the nurses left behind. Some people would see it as a bunch of junk, but I see it as a chance to end my pain.

After midnight, I decided it was now or never. I took a whole bottle of Aspirin, and a bottle of sleeping pills. I lay back on my pillow and waited to die.

My stomach started to churn. Is this part of dying? I felt vomit inching up my throat, I tried to keep it down, but I couldn't. I threw up until there was nothing left in my stomach, and I was exhausted. It was then that I started dying.

I guess it was more from exhaustion than from the pills, but maybe a bit of both. It started to get dark, and I couldn't see, even though my eyes were open. I tried to yell for a nurse, but all that came from my mouth was a hoarse croak. I had wanted to die before, but I didn't know it would hurt so much then. I wanted to live now. I wanted Darry and Soda. My body started twitching, and then I was cold and still.

When I woke up, I was surrounded by my parents and Aurora. They had wings, and I could see a beautiful city with golden roads in the distance. I realized that mom was talking to me.

"It wasn't your time, Pony. I'm sorry, you have to go back. But you'll be here soon enough, I promise."

The vision faded, and I was in a hospital room. Darry was crying, and so was Soda. When they saw I was awake, they both ran over to me.

"Pony," Darry sobbed. "We were so scared. They said they might not be able to save you."

I looked up into Darry and Soda's tear-stained faces and realized that I wanted to live. For real this time. I couldn't move; my tortured body was too exhausted. I wanted to hold Darry's hand and tell him that I was going to be OK, that I was really going to get better this time.

"I…I saw mom, and dad," I finally managed to say. "In Heaven."

Soda started crying even harder. Had I really been that close to dying? I guess I had been dead for a while, and then I'd come back. What was it that mom had said? 'It wasn't my time' or something. I guess she meant that I should still live.

Darry was stroking my hair and telling me that I should sleep. I was really tired. I closed my eyes and slept.


	23. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

Now

When I woke up I was alone in the hospital room. There was a note on my bedside table from Soda, it said:

_Pony,_

_I don't know what happened. I'm hoping it was just a bad nightmare. Why'd you try to kill yourself? I wanted to stay until you woke up, but the doctors wouldn't let Darry and me stay. You know we love you, don't you Pony? You really scared us. We'll come by and see you as soon as we can._

_-Sodapop._

I read the letter, but I couldn't make any sense of it. My head was spinning, my vision was blurry and my stomach was hurting. I was miserable. I wanted Darry and Soda, or even a nurse; someone to keep me company. I was so hungry; I realized I hadn't eaten in over a week. Weren't the nurses supposed to come check on me or something?

The door opened and I looked up, I couldn't tell who it was, but they were walking toward my bed.

"Pony," an unfamiliar voice said. It was probably a nurse.

"I'm awake," I said weakly. It took so much energy just to speak. What had I done to myself?

"How do you feel?" The nurse asked.

I didn't want to answer her, I was so tired. But maybe if I told her how awful I felt she'd be able to make me feel better.

"My head…hurts," I said. "I can't see. I'm so hungry…stomach hurts…make me better."

"Poor thing," the nurse said softly. "I'll be right back. You just rest."

Rest; that was something I could do. That was about it; I was so tired, and I could hardly move. Even the slightest movement was strenuous, and it hurt me so much. Where we Darry and Soda? I wanted to see them. And where was the nurse? Was she bringing me something for the pain?

I must have dozed off for a few minutes because the next thing I knew the nurse was shaking me; trying to wake me up. I opened my eyes to let the nurse know I was awake. Everything was so blurry; I could only see a few inches in front of me. Was I going to be like that the rest of my life?

The nurse gave me some different kinds of medicine. I thought it was weird that medicine had almost killed me a few hours ago, and now the nurse was giving me different pills like it was no big deal. After I'd swallowed the pills the nurse fed me some soup. It tasted like crap, but at least it was food; I was starving.

The nurse left once I was done eating. There was a TV in the room, and she told me that I could watch it, but I wouldn't have been able to see it anyway. I closed my eyes; keeping them open was giving me a headache because everything was so blurry. What time was it? Where were Darry and Soda? I was so lonely; I didn't feel like talking, but I wanted someone to talk to me. It would have made me feel better for some reason. I turned on the TV just to hear the voices of the actors; they made the room feel less empty.

The medicine that the nurse had given me made me numb and sleepy. The volume on the TV was almost as low as it could go, and the voices on it were like a lullaby. I was so tired; I drifted off into a deep sleep.

I woke up a few hours later. I could hear some people talking. I thought it was the TV at first, but then I realized that the people were right next to my bed. They were talking about me.

"We should go," one of the voices said.

"No," the other one said, "Just a few more minutes."

"They're going to kick us out soon."

"I don't care."

"But…"

"He's our brother."

It was Darry and Soda.

I opened my eyes and looked up at them. "Hi," I said feebly.

Their eyes were red, and there were dark circles under them. It was obvious that they hadn't slept last night, but they both smiled when they saw I was awake.

"Hey Pony," Soda said. "How do you feel?"

"Awful," I replied.

There was silence for a few minutes. Then Soda asked "Why'd you do it?"

"Do what?" I asked.

"Why'd you try to kill yourself?" Soda asked.

"I don't know," I replied. I really didn't know once I thought about it.

"I guess…I just thought like life wasn't worth it," I said.

"We're just glad you're alive," Darry said. He sounded like he'd been crying.

"I'm glad I'm alive too," I said.

I guess Darry and Soda figured out that talking was making me tired because they stopped asking me questions. They sat next to my bed in silence, but it was a nice silence. The nurse came after a while and told Darry and Soda that they had to leave. Before they left they promised that they'd be back tomorrow, and told me to get better. I was too tired to say anything, but I think they knew that I'd heard them.

I spent the next month in the hospital. Darry and Soda came to see me every day, and sometimes Two-Bit or Dally would come with them. Steve never came though, he really doesn't like me. Once I started to feel better, Dr. Murphy would come and talk to me; he didn't want me to digress more than I already had or something. I didn't mind talking to him; the hospital was pretty boring.

I was almost glad to go back to the asylum, even though I would be in Hammacher for at least the next month or two. I just wanted to be somewhere besides the hospital. I knew that I wanted to get better, and I wasn't trying suicide again; no matter how bad things got.

I got to ride back to the asylum with Darry and Soda. They were telling me random stuff like: try to get better, we know you're not crazy, you'll get out of Hammacher soon; stuff like that.

"And don't worry," I said once they were done with the lecture. "I won't try suicide again."

I saw Darry flinch. He had taken my trying suicide really hard, almost as hard as I'd taken Aurora's death.

When we got to the Asylum, Darry and Soda walked me in. The place hadn't changed; it still had the same chairs and couches that had never been and never would be in style, and it still smelled like too strong air freshener. Dr. Murphy was waiting for me at the front desk. I started to walk toward him.

"Pony, wait," Soda said.

I looked back at them. Darry was crying again.

"We love you," Soda said.

"I know," I replied; quoting Aurora's last words.

I gave them one last hug, and then I walked toward Hammacher with Dr. Murphy.


	24. Chapter 23

Author's note: This is the last chapter; it takes place a year in the future, when Pony is getting out of the asylum. Thank you all for the reviews, they helped more than you could ever imagine. This isn't the last of my story writing; I'm already working on another story, and I have several more ideas. Once again, thank you for the reviews, and I hope you enjoy the last chapter.

-BillyMartinGoodCharlottefan

Chapter Twenty-Three

Dr. Murphy's Sessions with Ponyboy Curtis

Doctor Murphy: This is it, Pony.

Ponyboy Curtis: Yeah.

DM: It took more than a year, but you're finally getting out of here. How are you feeling about this?

PC: Scared, but I want to leave.

DM: Let's recap on your stay here.

PC: OK.

DM: You got here in an awful state, you had tried suicide, and you were hopelessly depressed; you refused to talk to anyone. You got better for a while, then Aurora showed up and you started digressing and ended up trying suicide again. You stayed in the hospital for a month, and then you came here and spent three months in Hammacher. Once we knew you weren't going to hurt yourself again, we let you out of Hammacher, and eight months later; you're leaving.

PC: That sounds about right.

DM: You're brothers are very happy about this.

PC: I am too.

Here there is a long pause

PC: Are you going to miss me, Doc?

DM: I never told you this, Pony, but you were the strangest case I've seen in my twenty years of practice. But yes, I'll miss you.

PC: I won't miss you.

DM: That hurts.

PC: I'm just kidding.

DM: This is the happiest I've seen you in a while.

PC: I have every reason to be.

DM: I guess you do.

DM: Our time is almost up, Pony. Are you ready to leave?

PC: I guess so.

End Tape

Now

Darry and Soda are waiting for me at the front desk. I checked one last time to make sure I had all my stuff; I did. I couldn't say that I was going to miss the asylum, but I didn't want to leave; I was afraid to go out into the real world. I turned around and took one last look at the place. I decided that I really didn't want to stay there; Leonardo had left a few months ago, and I hadn't made any other friends.

I still missed Aurora, and Dr. Murphy said that was OK, just as long as I didn't try suicide again. I had promised him that I wouldn't. Once I got home I knew that I'd have to go through the stuff Aurora had wanted me to take when she died, and I also knew that I'd cry…a lot. Dr. Murphy had given me some anti-depressants "just in case", so maybe I'd take one of those.

Darry and Soda were looking at me expectantly, and I felt Dr. Murphy's hand on my shoulder.

"Now or never, Pony," he said. Now or never…that was what I thought the night I tried suicide.

I took a deep breath and started walking toward Darry and Soda. Dr. Murphy followed me. He started telling them last-minute stuff: what behaviors to expect, about the supply of anti-depressants, how we could call him if I ever needed help. He also said that I might have nightmares from the shock, but they wouldn't last long. Then he told us good luck and left.

"Come on, Pony," Soda said softly. "Let's go."

I nodded and walked toward the double doors between Darry and Soda.

The sky was cloudy, like my life had been for the past year. I thought about everything that had happened. Aurora was gone, but I was going to be OK, I realized this was how it was supposed to be. We got into the car and Soda started the engine. Elvis music started blaring from the radio.

The sun broke through the clouds; I took it as a sign that everything was going to be OK.

This is how Aurora would have wanted it to be.

The End


End file.
